Chapter Three - part three

    The day before the other future cadets were due, Jeremy decided to talk a little more with James. They had become closer, but they still hadn't shared much more about themselves with each other. James was in his room when Jeremy knocked on the door. Once inside Jeremy took a seat at the small desk while James remained seated on his bed. Jeremy pointed at the Bible and spoke. "I wanted to talk to you about that." He hesitated just a moment before going on. "I was raised in a Christian home, so I know what you said the other day is true. The thing is that I just don't know if we should have to face all that garbage just because we believe. I mean it is a personal decision. What others say or do should have nothing to do with your own faith, not if you really believe, so why should you suffer when it won't matter to them or to you? I like you James. You don't seem like a lot of the brainy nerds or hot shot jocks I’ve known. You are very sharp and you are in a lot better shape than even most jocks too. I just don't want you to make it hard on yourself to prove something that only matters to you and God. You don't have to disown Jesus. You just don't need to wave a flag for him either." He indicated the large Bible laying beside James on the bed.

    James leaned back as best he could and studied Jeremy for a minute. Then he nodded and leaned forward again as he spoke. Jeremy was being honest and he deserved the same in return. "Thanks. I like you too Jeremy. Look, I think I understand what you are saying, but you need to understand me too. I have no intention of waving any kind of a flag. I just don't intend to hide behind anything either." James reached over and lifted the Bible beside him and held it out in front of him. "This may be a flag to some people. To me it’s a direct connection to my Lord. I am not going to leave it behind or hide it. I also am not going to carry it around or try to wave it at anyone either." He laid it back down. "Maybe having it will raise a red flag to some people. That is something I’ll deal with when it happens. Until then, I plan to just keep it handy and read it when I can. Hopefully that won't make too much trouble for me or anybody else."

    James frowned and then taking a deep breath he continued. "Jeremy, I heard you say you were raised in a Christian home, but you never said you were a Christian. I know that is a personal decision, but are you? Are you a Christian? Do you know Jesus personally or is He just someone you have read about?" James indicated the Bible again as he said that last. Then he waited. This wasn't something he had planned to ask, but he wanted to know; especially now that Jeremy had come to him about all of this. Jeremy smiled and looked down shaking his head. Then he looked back up and shrugged. "I am a born again Christian. I have been baptized and done all of the right stuff. But honestly, sometimes I just don't know. I mean I know there is a God. There is one God and Jesus is the son of God. I know that unless you have Jesus in your heart you will burn in hell for all eternity too. Frankly, I think that knowledge alone is enough to scare the hell out of me. At least I hope it is, but..." He hesitated and then stood up and paced a few steps before taking his seat again.

    Looking directly at James he continued. "I think I am a Christian. I know I should be, but when you asked, well I just don't know. If anybody else had asked me I would say, 'yes I am.' That is as far as it would go though. But with you, well with you it's different. It just doesn't seem to be enough to say it now, especially the way I feel sometimes." Jeremy shook his head and leaned forward to look at James more directly. "Look, you may not think you are waving any flags, but man, you are just so wrong. Everything about you screams 'Christian' at me. The way you act and talk is, well it’s different. Maybe it is just me and my stressing because I know it will come up when we get to the Academy. I won't deny being a Christian, but I don't want to discuss it or show it. I just want it to be left alone. That is my business and mine alone. It will be tough enough for us without looking for extra trouble. I guess I am a Christian, just a silent one."

    James nodded, but didn't say anything for a while as they both sat there thinking about all of it. Then he frowned and did speak up. "Listen, I get what you are saying. I know that I don't hide being a Christian very well, but that is because I can't. Jeremy, I don't know how to say this, except to just say it. Being Christian is a very private decision, but it isn't a private commitment. I understand how you feel. I feel the same way. The problem for me is that no matter how I feel about it, I can't change what it means for me to be a Christian. I have to do what I do and be who I am. If I am going to claim that I walk with Jesus, then people have to see a reflection of Him when they look at me. For me Christianity is a private decision that has to be carried out in a very visible and public way. I am truly sorry if that bothers you, but I won't and can't change the way I live. What you see different about me is the light of my Lord shining from within me. At least that is what Pastor David would always tell us it was at church. I won't cover that light up Jeremy. I won't try to make anyone look at it, but I won't hide it either. Now that I have accepted Christ it is a part of me. Nobody can change that now, not even me."

    Jeremy had watched him closely as he spoke. He nodded his head and stood up to leave. At the door he stopped for just a moment. Then he looked back and spoke again. "O.K., I may not have the kind of faith or determination that you do about all of this, but I admire it." Then he grinned and shrugged. "That doesn't mean I like it or think it is a good thing to show off, especially when you are heading into the proverbial lion's den, but I do still admire it. Anyway, just so you know, you've got a friend. If it gets too bad, look me up and I will go running with you. We might even get lucky and see that hot blonde babe again. Then we could forget all about everything else while we watched her." They were both laughing as Jeremy slipped out the door and closed it behind him.

    James lay back on his bed and thought about what had just been said. Jeremy was a good guy and a good friend. He was genuinely concerned about what James might have to face and wanted to help. He just didn't know how he could, unless James was willing to make some changes in his own life. James sat up again and picked up his Bible. Holding it in his lap he sat and looked at it for a long time. He didn't have to take this Bible with him. A smaller one would do. He could just read the Bible off the web and not even take a Bible. Shaking his head, he gave his Bible a firm squeeze and then laid it down in front of the picture of his family. No, he couldn't do any of those things, not and remain faithful to the Lord. What would Jeremy think if he knew the real reason James had decided to attend the Academy was he believed it was where the Lord wanted him to be? Chuckling, he got ready for bed. Tomorrow they would meet two more future cadets. He needed to get some sleep. If he really was waving a Christian flag like Jeremy thought he was, it might not go over well with the new arrivals and he would need to be ready to face another challenge.

   Jeremy didn't go directly back to his room. He walked down the hall and went up to the library. Once there, he started to look at all the different books. He wasn't really sure what he was looking for, but he wasn't ready for bed tonight. James was a problem for him. He was a good guy. They could be really good friends, but Jeremy knew that might mean he would have to take some real heat right along with James. He didn't need or want any more issues at the Academy than he would already have. Still, he just couldn't imagine not spending some of his free time with James. As he was thinking, he continued looking for a book to read without really knowing what he was looking for. He never heard Mr. Blake when he came into the library. Jeremy nearly jumped into the bookcase when he heard Mr. Blake speak. "It can be hard to find something when you don't know what you are looking for."

   Jeremy turned around, still trying to swallow the curse that was on his lips. Mr. Blake was smiling, but holding his hands up in surrender too. Shaking his head, Jeremy let out a long sigh. It was only then that he realized what had been said. He frowned as he tried to think of an answer. Mr. Blake smiled and walked over to the other wall and after only a moment pulled out a small book. Holding it, he walked over towards Jeremy as he spoke again. "I didn't mean to startle you, but I came up to get a book myself. When I saw you, well it was easy to see you were troubled. I don't know exactly what is going on, but I have seen two young men who could be good friends, but they seem to be reluctant to extend the hand of friendship. Maybe I have it all wrong, but I think the two of you could both use each other as friends. Someone with no strings or connections, just a buddy you can talk to or listen to. Somebody that you can share anything at all with will be worth a lot to you. You could look for a lifetime and never find a true friend or look away for only a moment and lose one forever." Smiling he held out the small book he had selected for Jeremy to take. As Jeremy took it, Mr. Blake spoke again. I suggest you focus on chapter four. It may not be the answer you are looking for, but it will give you a good place to start." Mr. Blake was already walking away before Jeremy thought to look at the book. It was a Bible commentary on the book of James.

   Jeremy had to laugh, how fitting that he should be given the book of James to find an answer about dealing with James. Still laughing he walked over and sat down. What chapter had Mr. Blake said? He thought he had said chapter four. Flipping the book open, he found chapter four and began to read. This book consisted of each chapter in its entirety at the start of a section, followed by the chapter again with commentary on each individual verse included. Jeremy smiled as he began to read. Soon the smile was replaced by a very serious expression. It was late before he finally went to bed. He had read the entire book, but he had went over chapter four several times. Mr. Blake had been right about the book and the selection of that chapter. It might not have given him the answer he was looking for, but now he knew where he had to look in order to find answers. All he had left to decide was if he had enough courage, or maybe it was enough faith, to go looking for those answers.