Chapter One ---- part five

    Andy didn't manage to decide much that night. He finally did get to sleep and he almost overslept the next morning, but he still had no idea of what he needed to do. Monday was a school day and that kept him occupied all day. Even though he was pretty much finished with everything, there was still stuff going on that kept his attention. He normally hung around in town on Monday night after he was done with tutoring until their neighbor got off work at six. She gave him a ride home to save his folks a trip in. Today he had a new use for his free time. He had decided to talk to Pastor David. He could trust him to keep a secret and he knew he wouldn't try to force his own opinions on him either. It was a short walk over to the church office from school and Pastor David lived just down the street if he was already gone home. After tutoring was finished he stopped on his way to church to ask his neighbor to pick him up at the church this time. That would give him almost an hour to talk with Pastor David.

    Pastor David was just about to lock up when Andy arrived. As he walked up to the church office, Andy was almost sorry he had decided to do this, but he had to talk to someone about things. His dad had made it clear that he wasn't going to offer advice unless he was asked to give it. Andy knew he could have asked him, but that wouldn't have felt right. It wouldn't have been fair to his dad or his mom either. This was his decision to make.  Pamela had also made it clear that she had her own decisions to make. Andy couldn't think of anyone else who he respected and trusted enough to talk with about this, except for Pastor David. Right or wrong, this was his last chance to talk to anyone. They had to have his answer before Friday. Anyway, it was too late now. Pastor David was smiling at him as he opened the door wide for Andy to come inside.

    Andy stepped inside with only a nod. Pastor David was still smiling as he stepped over to his desk. His voice was that deep fatherly one Andy knew so well from all of the times they had talked during youth activities at the pastor's home over the years. "Well I was wondering if I would see you today. You looked very troubled when you left church. It wasn't my intention to cause any of you discomfort, but from the looks I saw among the youth I seem to have done just that. Please sit down Andy and tell me what is troubling you. I am sure that together, with the Lord's help, we can find an answer." Andy did sit down, but he wasn't sure how to start this conversation. He sat there in silence, not even able to look at Pastor David. 

    Pastor David waited for a long time before he whistled softly and spoke. "If I didn't know you so well I would be terrified by your silence, Andy. This must be something really big. I was expecting maybe one of the normal issues, which school, what career, or the big one for most young men... the girlfriend you are leaving behind." That actually made Andy smile a bit. If only it was just Pam. Pastor David shook his head as he continued. "Andy, I may be a pastor, but I can't read minds. You will have to say something or I am as lost as you already appear to be."

    That made Andy start to laugh softly. He looked up and smiled as he took a deep breath. Then he did speak. Andy poured it all out in one long stream. "It is all of those things and none of those things. I am lost, totally and completely lost. I don't know where to turn or what to do. I can't talk to anyone, but I have to talk to someone. I have to decide and I have to do it fast. I have tried, but I just don't know. Nothing I do will be right. If I do what I thought I wanted, it will hurt a lot of people. If I don't do it then I..." He paused for just an instant. "Oh, I don't know what it will mean if I don't. How am I supposed to make a decision that will surely change my entire life, if I don't even know what I want from my life? I have already found out things about myself and about my life that I never knew or even thought about. Everything is just a jumble in my head. I thought it would be so easy. If I could do it I would and if not I would just do what everyone expected me to do. Now I can do what I thought I should do, but I don't know if I actually should or not. I have made a mess out of everything and I haven't even made a decision yet. What should I do?"

    Pastor David had leaned back in his chair. The smile had vanished from his face. He looked very serious and deeply troubled. This time Andy didn't look away. He looked directly at his pastor waiting for him to provide an answer, never realizing that Pastor David still had no idea of what the problem was. After a moment Pastor David leaned forward. He spoke very softly, but seriously now. "Andy what is it you have to decide? What has you so upset and so terrified that you think you might make the wrong choice? You have to tell me what is wrong before I can even try to help you. Please trust me. Trust your Lord. Together, I know we can find the right answer, the best answer. Just trust us and tell me what it is that has become such a heavy burden on you."

    Now Andy leaned back and just looked at Pastor David for a long moment. Then he reached inside his book pack and pulled out an envelope. He laid it on the desk and just sat there waiting. Pastor David picked up the envelope and took out the letter. He raised his eyebrows as he read. When he had finished he laid the letter down and looked up at Andy. It was a while before Pastor David spoke. "I must say that I never even considered anything like this. I will confess I was terrified that you were going to show me something much different when you pulled that letter out. I was thinking all sorts of things, but nothing like this." Then he stood up shaking his head and grinning as he walked around his desk. Andy rose to meet him, uncertain of what to expect. Pastor David held out his hand as he spoke. "Congratulations! No matter what you decide, it is a great honor to be accepted at one of the Academies. You should be very proud of that alone; no matter what you decide to do." The hand shake suddenly became a hug. "I am very proud of you Andy. I know your folks must be too." Then he stepped back still holding Andy by the shoulders. "Okay, now maybe we can work this all out. Let's sit down and really talk this thing over. You definitely have a huge decision to make; as it will surely change your life regardless of what you decide to do." Releasing Andy, he pulled a chair around so he could sit right in front of Andy with no desk separating them as he returned the letter to Andy. They both took a seat and Pastor David started the conversation again. "So, first things first, why did you apply to the Academy?"

    Andy leaned back and taking a deep breath spoke for the first time with a strong, solid voice. "I just feel like I need to do something with meaning for my country. You talked about the changes in our lives; well I see changes in the world and especially in my own country that are troubling to me. I want to do something. I want to stop some of the things I see going on. I thought about a lot of possibilities, but honestly I think we are heading towards real trouble and soon. I think we will need leaders who will act according to God's law first and man's law second. I think our military will be at the front of the changes that are coming. There are just too many things that are happening that don't seem right to me. I don't know how to explain it really. I just think I need to go. I think I need to serve." Pastor David had listened closely and nodded several times as Andy spoke. When he was certain Andy had finished he said just one word, "But?"

    Andy took a deep breath and leaned forward before he answered that one word question. "But everyone expects me to become something else. I have never mentioned any of this to anyone. Dad knows, but not because I wanted him to know. They all know I have been accepted at the schools they expected me to attend. They just think I am trying to decide on which career I want. They have no idea that I am considering leaving all of that behind to go where nobody in my family has ever been before. This will be all new and it will be very upsetting to a lot of them. If I do this, I am going to change not only my life, but I am going to be changing the lives of everyone around me. Nothing will ever be the same again for any of us. I just don't know if I have the right to do that. If it was just me, it would be easier to decide, but it's not just me."

    Pastor David chuckled when Andy was finished. Shaking his head he smiled at the look on Andy's face when he had chuckled before he spoke. "I don't think it is funny. I am just amused that you seem to have such a firm handle on both why and why not and yet still have no idea of the answer you should choose. Andy, I always knew you had a good head on your shoulders and a good heart, a big heart. I think there is more to you than even I realized though. You said you felt a need to do something. Can you explain that? What kind of feeling was it? Was it something inside you or was it something from outside? I think that is important. I think before we go any further we need to figure out what that need you feel is and where it is coming from."

    Now Andy leaned back and shook his head. "I don't know exactly. I understand what you are asking me, but I don't know how to answer you. At first it was just a feeling that I should do something. I didn't and still don't know what, just something, something that would make a difference. I thought about a lot of stuff, but I always came back to needing to lead, to be in charge of things. Then one day I was just sitting around with some friends and Tony told us he was going to enlist when he graduated. When we all asked him why, he said to do something that mattered. We all joked about him wanting to be a hero, so he could get the girl or save the world, but what he said made me start thinking. Actually, I guess it was the way he said it. I knew he meant it. He actually wanted to make a difference. I do too. I thought of enlisting, but honestly they have to follow more than lead. You can make a difference even then, but not like a leader could. And before you ask, I considered all the academies, but I wanted the Air Force. The Navy doesn't seem to be in the front, they are involved, but not as directly. Besides I prefer staying in sight of land, if not on it. The Army is right in the front, but they just seem to deal with what has already happened most of the time. To me it seemed like the Air Force is the place that might actually change things. That seemed to be the right choice, so I applied there. I never really thought I would be accepted. Why would they want me? I’m not a star athlete or a leader. I may be a good student, but I’m nothing that special. I guess I just never expected them to accept me, but they have... and now I just don't know what to do."

    Smiling Pastor David nodded his head slowly. "Andy, don't sell your ability or potential short. You have taken all the toughest courses and passed them easily. If anyone looks at your record they will know you can do anything you decide to do mentally. As for being a star athlete, you and I both know you do more than your stats show. You are one of the most talented basketball players I have seen. The reason you weren't the star is because you set up everybody else. You couldn't do that if you weren't both a star and a leader. They had to double cover you, so you were always feeding the open man. I think you are more and know more than you think you do. Andy, you said you felt a need to do something that mattered. To whom does it matter? Does it matter to you or is it more than that. Who will it really matter to the most?"

    Now Andy was quiet. He sat there with a frown on his face thinking. Finally, he began to speak without ever looking up at Pastor David. "It matters to me, but it is more than just that. It matters... well to the world. If I don't do anything then I am as responsible for what changes as if I changed it myself." He looked up and still frowning continued. "Honestly, I guess I think it matters to God too. Pastor David, I want to serve my Lord, but I am no preacher. No offense!" Pastor David laughed out loud and reached over to slap Andy's leg. "None taken young man, though I think you could be a great preacher if you wanted to be." Andy grinned and just shook his head as he turned red.

   Pastor David surprised him by getting up and moving to take his seat behind his desk again. Still smiling he spoke to Andy once again. This time his voice was filled with certainty. "I think you have answered all of my questions. In fact, I believe you have answered your own questions, even if you don't know it yet." He paused for a moment and then leaning forward he spoke very seriously to Andy. "What happens in this world does matter to you. It also matters to God. I see the world changing around us too and frankly I don't like what I see. I fully understand your concern. I do what I can to prevent the changes I see as bad and try to change things that need to be made better too. I do that behind the pulpit every Sunday and as I live every day, but sometimes I don't think even that is enough. This nation needs something to turn things around and it needs it soon or I fear it might be too late. What it needs is God. I think God wants to help us. In fact I know God does help us as much as we will allow. Andy, I can't tell you what you should do. God alone knows that answer and, unfortunately, God usually leaves it to us to make the final decision. I can tell you this though. I don't think you are as alone as you feel. God does want to help us. He wants to help you too. Let's ask Him for that help now."

   Andy nodded and this time it was Pastor David who was surprised. Andy dropped to his knees on the floor. His head bowed low and eyes closed he knelt there waiting for his pastor to begin. Pastor David moved back around the desk and knelt down in front of Andy. He placed his hand on Andy's shoulder and began to pray. "Father, we come to you for answers. We see things at work in our world that we know are not according to your will.  Father, I was there when this young man committed his life unto you. I have watched him grow from that young boy into a fine young man. You have blessed him with a sharp mind, a strong body, and a kind heart. I have seen you fill him with your Holy Spirit and grow his faith far beyond what it was when he committed his life to you. Now Father, I ask you to show him the way that you would have him go. Father, if you have called him to serve, then I ask for you to make it clear to him. Remove his doubts and fears. Fill him with certainty and confidence, so that he may serve you with the strength and power that you alone can provide to him. We come before you in humble devotion. I ask these things of you in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus."

    Andy was silent for a moment and then he began to pray in almost a whisper. "Thank you, Father. I am not worthy of the blessings you have given me. I am weak and afraid, but you give me strength and courage. Father, I have felt lost and alone, but you have shown me I am not alone.  I ask for your forgiveness. I had forgotten that you will never leave me; never forsake me. I am sorry that I have tried to deny your call and that I have tried to refuse your plan for me. Give me strength Father, so that I may do what I now know I must do. Help me to find the way to tell others and to ease the pain I will cause some of them. I trust you Father. I will go. I will serve. Use me however you would, for your glory. In the name of my Lord, Jesus, I pray. Amen."

    There were tears in both men's eyes when they stood up together. Pastor David squeezed Andy's shoulder and softly spoke a final word to him. "Go with God son." Andy gave a single short nod before turning and walking out the door. Pastor David sat down heavily in the chair closest to him. He let out a very long breath and shook his head. He hadn't expected that to happen, nothing like that. He shivered and shook himself to try and remove the chill that was running over his body. He knew that something big had just happened in his office. He knew that something big had just happened in this young man's life. Maybe something big had just happened in this world too.  Pastor David had felt something happening that was bigger than he could explain, but even if he didn't understand exactly what it was he still knew in his heart that something very important had just happened here today. Somehow he knew that today... the future had just changed for more than James Andrew Cooper alone.