Chapter One----part four

   Andy wasn't even sure what was said after that. They had closed in prayer and joined hands to sing a short song together before they were dismissed. Pastor David was standing by the door to shake hands as they all left as usual. Andy didn't even remember if they had done the normal song or call for anyone in need to come to the front of the church. His mind was locked on that message. Those last few verses and that prayer from the Bible were running over and over, again and again, in his mind. If anyone had tried to speak to him while they walked out, Andy hadn't been aware of it. As he came close to the door, and to Pastor David, something did start to register. It was the silence that he heard. Normally the church was filled with chatter and laughter after services were over. Today the church was almost silent. Only a few softly spoken words were exchanged with Pastor David as the members filed out the door.

   He and Pamela were walking together, holding hands as usual, even though he wasn't actually even aware of that. His father, Joshua, was speaking to the pastor when the words that so many had already said finally slammed home to Andy. Joshua had been thanking Pastor David for a fine sermon and commented on the wonderful choices of scripture. The reply from Pastor David was what hit home for Andy and made him really hear what so many had been saying about God's word. Pastor David had laughed and shook his head as he spoke to Joshua. "Don't thank me for the message today. This was the first time I have ever done a sermon that I can honestly say I had no clue as to what I was going to say or do. Thank the Lord. He was the one speaking today. I am certain of it." It had taken a moment for even those few words to work inside and register among all the jumbled thoughts running through Andy's mind as he walked with Pamela. Many people had commented about God's word, but Pastor David had made it clear when he had replied to Joshua that it had indeed been God who was giving him the words to speak, the words that Andy had heard so clearly today.

     As Pam had approached Pastor David she suddenly released Andy's hand and stepped forward to hug Pastor David. Andy couldn't hear what she whispered to Pastor David, but he could easily see the tears in her eyes again as she stepped back. Andy simply offered his hand to Pastor David and looked into his eyes as they shook hands. The pastor returned the look with a solemn nod, but spoke no words either. Then they were walking down the walk outside the church. His parents were waiting at the end of the walkway. Pamela's folks didn't come to church, at least not very often. She had started coming when she and James had started to be interested in each other. She had been a regular for the last three years. His parents often dropped her off on their way home, so she didn't have to ride on the church bus. Andy saw his father watching him more closely than usual. Andy was about to tell his folks he wanted to walk Pam home today when she spoke up herself.

    "Mr. Cooper, would it be alright if Andy and I just walked home together? I need to talk with someone about the message I heard today. It seemed like Pastor David was talking to me. I just need to talk with Andy and sort my thoughts out. I would really appreciate it, if you don't mind." Andy knew he was staring at Pam, but he couldn't help himself. He heard his father's answer, but he wasn't really aware of what his father said until they had started to walk to the car. His father had said, "That would be fine Pamela. I think a lot of people were shaken by the message today. You two do need to talk and sort things out. I think Andy needs to walk, talk, and think too. It is a beautiful day and I think a walk would be a good thing for both of you. Just remember that we are always available if you need to talk with someone." Andy watched his parents walking away and then turned to start walking with Pam down the street towards her home. It was a long walk to her house, but somehow that seemed like a good thing to him today.

   They were well away from the church before Pamela spoke. She had leaned against his shoulder, but she wouldn't look at him as they walked slowly along. "Andy did you think he was talking to you too?" Andy knew she was talking about Pastor David. He couldn't find his voice to answer her, but he did manage to nod and she felt the movement against her hair.  They walked a little further before he did speak. "Pam you wanted to know what was wrong. Well I..." She raised her head as she stopped walking and placed her fingers over his lips. She was looking into his eyes for the first time since church services had started. He just stood there looking at her for a moment. Then he removed her hand from his lips and gently kissed the back of it. She gave him a small smile and then slid an arm around his waist and started to walk once more. After only a few hesitant steps she began to talk to him.

   "Let me talk first Andy. I don't know what is wrong for you, but I know what is wrong for me now. Pastor David helped me understand. I am scared. I have been so excited about graduation and starting college, but I have been terrified too. Andy, I really do care for you..." Her voice trailed off for a moment and then she took a deep breath before she finished. "I just don't know if I love you. I mean, oh I don't know what I mean. I want to be with you, but I know you are going away to college. I am just going over to the local community college, at least to start. I don't even know what I want to do with my life. I never have talked about it with you. I haven't really talked about it all. Pastor David was right today. We do have to make choices soon. Choices that will determine what kind of life we will have. Andy, I don't know what I want. I just know I need to decide and that I... need time." Her voice had trailed off at the end. She didn't look up at him at all. They walked along in each other's arms for a long time before she whispered a plea to him. "Say something Andy, please just say something."

    Andy wasn't sure what he could or should say to her, but he knew he had to say something. There was a bench on the side of the street where people could sit and rest. He guided her over to it and they sat down. Then he took both her hands in his as he took a deep breath before he spoke. "Pam, I don't know what to say or what to think. I am scared too. I have never really even thought about being in love with you, not real love like... well you know." Pam just nodded as she looked into his eyes. He shrugged and looked away, unable to hold her gaze with his own. He tried to find the words he needed to say, but once again he didn't get the chance. She reached up and ran her fingers in his hair as she spoke.

    "It's okay Andy. I do know what you mean. I like you a lot and really enjoy being with you, but I have never thought about loving you either. Your fun and well... you're safe. Other girls tell me about their dates and what they do. I am really not ready for that. That is what I like so much about dating you. It is just fun; with no complications. I have never even thought about any of this before. It was just us, enjoying fun times together, and that was enough." Andy had raised his eyes to look into hers as she spoke. She was smiling and almost seemed to be back to normal. He felt like a weight was gone from his heart too, but there was more he needed to say. Nodding his head in understanding he began.

   "Now that we both have that straight, I need to tell you what has been bothering me." She shook her head and stood up. Holding her hand out to him she spoke again, still smiling. "I don't want to know, at least not now, not today. If you need to talk about it then I will talk with you later, but today I just want us to walk and spend time together as friends... best friends. Please just walk with me and we can talk about anything else or nothing at all. Today isn't the day for sharing problems. Today is a day for sharing friendship and maybe even a little love." She blushed as red as he had ever seen her get as she stood there waiting for him to take her hand. Smiling he took her hand and let her pull him up. Then he pulled her close and kissed her softly. She got even redder as he stepped back, still holding her hand and began to walk with her once more.  They spent the next couple of hours just walking together before they even realized they were getting hungry.

    Once back at her house she changed and then made them some sandwiches. Her folks had left a note for her. They had gone to spend the afternoon with some friends at the river.  After the late lunch Andy had called home to tell his folks he needed a ride today, normally her folks would drive him home after they ate lunch together. Pam seemed much more at ease after they had talked, but they both were still aware of something different between them. Neither of them was certain of what was yet to come, but they were both thinking about things in a new way. Andy still didn't know how he could tell anyone about what was bothering him until he had made his decision. He was confused enough without having everybody he knew sharing their opinions with him. He had to talk to Pam about it, but first he had to decide what he was going to do. Then at least he might know what he needed to say, if not how to say it. Right now the only thing he knew for certain was that he had a decision to make. He was still trying to figure it all out on the ride home with his dad.