Chapter Nine - part one

                 Chapter Nine

          A New Future Ahead

   The Time cover picture and the story behind it were once more making the Air Force Academy a national news headline. This time the good thing about it was the focus wasn't directed solely at James. Oh they wanted to talk to him again, and Aadila too, but the focus remained mostly on the new class of Doolies and the Academy itself. All of the attention was well received by the entire Academy this time. As the days passed and the story died down James wondered if the unity he had seen on the Hill would begin to die as well. As time continued to pass he did see the unity begin to wane a little as the academic year began, but the foundation remained strong. Some of the divisions among the cadets with different beliefs had crept back in, but not like they had been when James had first arrived on the Hill.

   The biggest change was in the new class itself from the time it had arrived. Something had changed dramatically during the days they had spent at Jack's Valley. They had been a struggling, broken group of individuals when they marched into the valley. They had already begun to split and divide because of the differences in beliefs among them. That had slowly changed while they were at Jack's Valley. They had marched back a more confident and united group. They had become a single group that was ready to face whatever was ahead for all of them. They were ready to face it together rather than each standing alone to face things. That confidence and unity had stuck with the Doolies. James saw it at work almost daily on the Hill. He saw Doolies within every squadron watching out for each other, but there was more than that going on. James also saw Doolies stepping up to help out Doolies in other squadrons. They still had pride in their own squadrons, but they also had pride in their class as a whole. It didn't happen all the time, but it happened often enough to be noticed. That said a lot about how much things were changing on the Hill.

   James tried to keep a low profile and still do his duty as an upper responsible for training those under him. His class schedule and other commitments were as bad as they had been last year. Sarah was still there, on the phone, supporting him almost daily. He saw Jeremy regularly at practice and all three of the girls saw him at least once a week now. Things were always moving at a constant rush, but they found brief moments to spend time as just friends. James still got letters from his family on a regular schedule too. He seldom went a day without news from someone outside the Academy. The biggest change for him as a 2 degree was again something unexpected. He had been asked to serve on the Honor Committee. This committee was responsible for establishing and enforcing, to a certain extent, the Honor code at the Academy. James had never dreamed he might be selected to serve, mostly because of his outspoken faith. In fact that was one thing that the Honor Committee had been working hard to remove from the Academy before he arrived. All religious activities of any kind were considered to be bad for military discipline by the Honor Committee at that time. It had been the stance of the committee that religion was a divisive issue that had no place in the modern military forces. James didn't see how they could possibly believe that and ask him to serve with the Honor Committee when he was totally opposed to that position on religion in the military.

   Even more shocking was the way he had been selected. His name had come up in Mach One, but it had actually been at the request of the chairman of the Honor Committee that James had been asked to serve. That wasn't done. It was very close to being a violation of the Honor Code itself. James latter learned that a rather heated debate had occurred before the committee had voted to approach Mach One and request they reconsider James, who hadn't been selected by his squadron at first. In fact it was one of the Mach One Honor Committee members who had been selected instead of James that decided to volunteer to step aside in order to allow James to take his place. James had tried to talk to him about it, but all he would say was that James was the right choice; the best choice for the job. He made it clear to James that he not only was willing to step down, but was proud to do it. He told James that nobody was better suited to serve with honor than James was. That was what mattered to him and should be what mattered for Mach One too. James had agreed to take his place on the committee, but he had done it reluctantly. James had been warned that this was no favor; this would be a huge responsibility and another burden that he was being given to carry along with the rest.

   James soon found out how true that was. What little free time James had before, was suddenly gone. It seemed like there was never a day when something didn't require his attention. Mostly it was wing wide things that were constantly being monitored and addressed across the entire wing, but James often found himself dealing with issues inside Mach One. Sarah had been thrilled at first, but she soon became very concerned. She could often tell that something was troubling James, but he wouldn't share what it was. He couldn't, because it was always something to do with an Honor Code violation. Those weren't to be discussed outside the Honor Committee. Still after James got settled in, he found the duty to be very rewarding as well as troubling. It was often a slow process dealing with major honor code violations. Most of those had to be referred up the chain of command to be dealt with. However, James soon found that many of the smaller violations gave him an opportunity to insert a more forgiving attitude into the handling of the honor code. He didn't try to let anyone off on an honor violation, but he did try to give them a chance to restore their honor rather than just punish them for the violation.

   At first that had met with strong resistance, but as time passed the other members began to see the value of making the restoration of honor the main goal. It was easy to punish a violation, but it often proved much more difficult to change an attitude or behavior. However when they spent the time and effort to make those changes happen, it made a much more lasting difference in the individuals involved. Attitudes slowly began to change on the Hill in regards to the Honor Code and because of that about honor itself. Honor seemed to be slowly becoming a requirement in everything that happened on the Hill, no longer just in military things, but also in the daily lives of the cadets. The cadets had begun to expect to be treated with honor and in turn to act with honor. That was both good and bad. It was good for the Academy and cadets as a whole, but it suddenly seemed like the number of reported honor violations had exploded. Most of the violations were minor and relatively easy to deal with. Often they were dealt with at a squadron level, but there were others that weren't minor. A lot of unseen, or worse ignored, things were suddenly being brought forward and had to be dealt with. Often the results of that was a black mark on the record of the cadets involved or possibly even dismissals. It seemed to James that nothing good could ever seem to happen on the Hill without at least some bad things happening to go along with the good.

   James had finally managed to face the fact that he was in love with Sarah too. He had felt it for a long time, but feeling it in your heart wasn't the same as knowing it in your mind. Now he knew it and they had shared it with each other. Actually admitting it had changed him more than he had thought it could. Sarah was constantly on his mind now. She was a distraction and yet she wasn't one. It was hard to explain or talk about. Shanna seemed to be the one who understood better that anyone, but Sabella was the one who knew when to 'kick his rear', in her words, about it. James wanted to ask Sarah to marry him. He hadn't shared that with anyone, except for God. He did a lot of praying about it. How could he ask her to marry him, when he couldn't even be certain they could have a real life together? The military didn't make it easy to be married. In fact they often made it much harder for you if you were married. How could he possibly ask her to live separated from him and ask her to marry him at the same time? It just didn't seem realistic. He spent a lot of time thinking about it while working on a pair of rings for them, more like promise rings than engagement rings. Maybe they could just make a promise to wait and see if it would work out for them. James just didn't know what they could do and God wasn't providing any answers that James was aware of yet.

   In spite of or perhaps because of how busy it was; the year was passing swiftly for James. He hadn't seen much of Sarah during the year. A lot had happened and a lot more was about to happen. The biggest immediate change was the upcoming Ring Dance. The ring dance was the highlight of the year for James. That was when the 2 degrees received their class rings, it happened just before graduation of the class above them. James had been very concerned that he and Sarah wouldn't even get a chance to spend that special event together. She had started her initial pilot training and was so busy there were sometimes several days between phone calls. James hadn't complained, because there were times when he was so buried in his own duties and classes at the Academy that he didn't even notice it himself. That was troubling in some ways, but they had both learned to accept it and move on. Neither of them had anything good to say about long distance love though, but Sarah seemed to hate it the most. She had made a point of finding a way to get back for the ring dance. That dance was a huge deal to her. James had soon realized it had to be one for him too. That was partly because it was a huge step towards his final goal of graduation and partly because it mattered so much to Sarah. It also became important to James for another very different reason.

   James did a lot of thinking and a lot of praying. He hadn't been able to tell Sarah about the testing he would soon be doing. Even that he had been selected to take part in the testing was classified. Only the cadets who had been selected knew the actual purpose of the testing they would do. He wasn't sure how he was going to handle keeping a secret, especially one this big, from her. The outcome of the testing and his decision afterwards was going to affect not only his life, but her life as well. How could he make a decision like this without talking to her about it? James was still trying to get that figured out when he began planning for the ring dance. Sarah had been out of touch for almost two weeks for some reason. She couldn't make any outside contacts and only emergencies would be forwarded to her. She seemed very quiet and withdrawn when they finally got to talk. James figured it was because of the secret she was keeping. Even knowing her silence was required didn't seem to help her mood much. He knew all too well how hard it was to keep secrets though. James was keeping a major one and Sarah didn't even know yet that he was.

    Sarah had managed to get a week's pass. That would allow her to be around the entire week leading up to the ring dance. She would be staying with the Blake's until the dance. After the dance they would be spending the weekend together in the mountains with James friends from the Academy. It was all planned out, that is until she arrived. The first night she was in, James took her out to dinner alone. They hadn't seen each other in months. At first it had been wonderful being together, but as the night progressed things began to change. James tried to ignore it, but by the time he pulled up to drop Sarah off he knew he couldn't ignore it. Something major was definitely wrong. James didn't know if it was something wrong with him, or with Sarah. Even worse he worried that it might be with their relationship. All he did know was that it was something serious. He turned to face her at the door and asked the question he knew had to be asked.

   "Sarah, I know there is something wrong. I just don't know what it is. Will you tell me what is wrong? Is it me?" Sarah looked stunned and quickly began shaking her head. Then she leaned in close against him and whispered softly. "No, No, It isn't you. I just... oh James, I don't know how to explain it. There is something I haven't told you about me. Something that I know may hurt you deeply. Oh James, I wish I could explain it to you, but I can't. Please forgive me. Please?" James stood there holding her and trying to sort it all out. Sarah was clearly upset and not at him, but maybe because of him? She wasn't helping him figure out what was wrong, but at least it wasn't likely to be his secret. That thought made him stop and think for a moment... about other possible secrets. What could she possibly be keeping secret from him that could hurt him deeply?

   The thought of her becoming involved with one of the pilots she was training with flashed across his mind. It was just a momentary idea that he immediately tossed aside. There were plenty of them hitting on her. In fact that was one of the biggest problems she had with being separated from him. A lot of those guys thought that separation would make her more willing to just mess around with no strings attached. He was too far away. They were men and she was a woman... what could it hurt? That made her furious. It was the worst possible insult to her. They actually thought she would do that, rather than stay faithful to James. She had told him about it and even named a few names. James knew a couple of them and he was more amused than angry about them. If it wasn't that, then what could she be keeping secret? James had no idea of what she could be talking about. There was no way that she could possibly be hiding a secret as bad as the one he was hiding from her. Suddenly James stiffened up as a very real possibility hit him. What if? What if that was it? Could it be that? She had been out of touch for a couple of weeks and said she couldn't discuss why. Had she been testing for the same reason he soon would be?