Chapter Four - part two

    In the days that followed, the activity and training intensified. That wasn't all that became more intense. It seemed that making the decision to go and hear that message had indeed had a profound effect on his future. James noticed that he and the others who had been there along with him suddenly seemed to be the center of attention with a good portion of the cadre. They spent a lot of time doing extra reps and extra duties. Oh there was always a reason that made it within the rules, but it was soon clear to him that he was being punished. At first it made him angry. Why should they punish him for being a Christian? He had done nothing to them. The more he thought about it and the longer it went on the madder he got about it. Then late Thursday he literally ran into Shanna. He had been sent on another run, more extra laps because he had gone to listen to Colonel Madison. He had been so mad that he wasn't even paying attention and ran right into Shanna. They both went down.

   He was trying to apologize before he even recognized her. She apparently had seen him and tried to talk to him when he had passed her on an earlier lap. Some of the cadre came running to see if they were actually hurt and after a severe butt chewing about paying more attention they were both sent to run a few more laps, this time as punishment for running into each other. They were well away before Shanna began to giggle. James was so surprised he stumbled for a couple strides. Shanna just laughed out right and kept on running. Only when they were on the opposite side of the track from the cadre did she say anything. "So, I see you are running for Jesus again. I tried to get your attention, but you were so pissed about it you just ran right by me. I had to let you run over me on the next lap to get your attention. If I have any more aches and pains because of you I will kick you when we get back to the Blake's." James couldn't believe it. She had done it on purpose, just so she could talk to him.

    Then she surprised him even more. "It took me a while to figure out what was going on, but I finally heard some of the cadre talking when they didn't know I was around. They have been making it pretty tough on you guys because of Colonel Madison, huh?" Smiling she shook her head. "You were warned. So why are you so mad? It is time for you to put up or shut up. Look I know it's not fair, but I also know it's not fair for me to put my butt in a sling just so I can talk to you about this either." James stumbled again. Shanna actually glared at him this time before she spoke again. "Keep it up and they will pull you out before I get a chance to finish talking to you. They want you to be mad. They want to piss you off so much that you will do something stupid. You are better than that. I know it and so do you. Stop playing their games. So what if you have to do more laps and run extra miles." Shanna shook her head again. "I am hurting from the regular stuff we do, these extra laps are really going to hurt, but I can handle it.  So can you. I dare you to tell me that you are even straining to do all the extra stuff. Your only problem is that you are just pissed because it isn't fair. You could do a lot more laps and reps before it started to hurt you couldn't you?"

    James knew she was right. He could have done a lot more laps before it actually started to cause him any discomfort and the extra training was actually helping him get better on the obstacle course. It still made him angry though. It just wasn't right. Still the more he thought about what she had said, the more sense it made to him. Getting angry wasn't the right reaction. They were coming up on the cadre again, so neither of them was talking now. Once they were well past the cadre, James spoke for the first time. "Thanks. I guess I have been acting like an idiot instead of a Christian." Shanna giggled. "Well according to most of the cadre, and the Doolies too, that amounts to the same thing." Then she changed the tone of her voice and the tone of the conversation. "You can't be both though. You have to make the choice of just being a Christian or being an idiot who also happens to be a Christian. You better do it soon too. Either lose the anger or lose the Bible. If you try to hold on to both, the combination will destroy you even before the cadre can."

    James didn't know what to say. She was right. It was suddenly very clear to him what was going on. He had to choose and he had to do it now. If he stayed angry he couldn't stay focused on his duty. Not his duty to his nation or to his God. He had been letting his anger control his thoughts and his life. He kept on running beside Shanna without talking again. Three more laps for them and they were allowed to leave. James did take the chance to apologize again and to say thanks for her being so cool about it before they left. They both knew he wasn't talking about him running into her. At least not the way the others thought. He sure hoped she wouldn't have any lasting reminders of their collision. He knew that he owed her, regardless of what happened now. He was the one who knocked her down, but she was the one who had knocked some sense into his head.

    He now remembered the warning Brigadier General Kendrick had given him. He also felt sick because Colonel Madison had said just those very things only a few days ago. She had specifically told them all this was going to happen and that they would have to choose who they would serve. She had made it very clear that without God the decisions would be impossible for them to make or to live with. It was very clear to him now just how real and immediate her words of warning had been. He did have to make a decision. Was he going to serve the Lord or was he going to serve himself? That was really what it all came down to in the end. If he gave in to his anger there was just no way that he could serve God. He had to do exactly what Shanna had told him to do. He had to choose. He had to lay down his anger or lay down his Bible. It was no choice at all for him. When he finally got some down time he picked up his Bible again. He began to read and to pray. His decision was already made.

    That had happened on Thursday of the first full week at Jack's Valley. It was still a struggle to let go of his anger each day, but gradually the struggle became easier as the days passed. It helped to get another powerful reinforcing talk when Colonel Madison returned Sunday. She did point out that they had lost a few faces, but gained a few new ones. She actually focused her message on the very struggles they were all facing each day. It helped to hear her message, but what helped more was hearing others talk of the problems and punishments they had to face and endure as well. It felt strange, but knowing that others were also suffering helped him to accept his own punishments. That week the amount of pressure was increased once again, but because of the message he had heard and the stories they had shared it was easier for him to deal with the increasing pressure. The second week at Jack's was a very intense week for everyone. James still had to do extra duty and extra reps because of his refusal to let go of his faith. That was no longer as big an issue for him though. He still didn't like it, but his anger no longer stayed with him. It might flash up for an instant, but it died just as quickly. The big thing for now was getting everyone in good enough shape to pass the required physical tests the next week. The big one for all of the Doolies was the obstacle course. It wasn't a brutal course, but it was far from easy. There were a lot of the Doolies that would be struggling to get past it. You had a limited time and if you couldn't complete the course within that time you would be put out of the Academy. The biggest killer wasn't the actual obstacles though. It was the run. That timed run would eliminate practically everyone that would be failed during this part of the training. There might be a couple Doolies that would just mange to do the run and fail in the obstacles, but no more than a couple.

    James wasn't concerned about the run at all and the obstacle course was actually sort of fun to him. His main concern was the big event that followed this overall activity. That wasn't something everyone had to do. It was something that you could choose to do or be selected to do. James might have considered doing it on his own, but somehow he knew he wouldn't be given that choice. It happened on the last day they were scheduled to be at Jack's Valley. That was the day when all the other Doolies were marching back out of the valley, except for the chosen few who would be competing in the final event. It was a cross country run. A very long and grueling run over some of the worst terrain they could find along the way back. The part that really made it a test was that you were required to do it with a full pack on your back. That pack weighed seventy-five pounds. That didn't include any water or much that was useful either, just bulky hard to balance junk. The original purpose of the run had been sort of an Ironman competition. It was something used to prove who was the most physically fit and toughest among the Doolies. It had been a challenge that was done for fun and pride during the first few years.

    That had been a different time and it had been a different sort of competition when it had begun. The purpose had been to encourage cadets to push themselves physically as well as mentally. It had been meant to show them at their best and encourage them to strive to be their best. Now it was used as much to punish those that the cadre felt were lacking, as it was to prove who was the most physically fit and toughest among the new class. Anyone could still volunteer to compete, but few did. If you were the top competitor at the overall run or obstacle course in your own small unit during the training you would be 'selected' to compete, for the honor of that unit. However you might also be selected by the cadre to compete if you weren't the best during an overall event. They could select you and you couldn't refuse; not without being put on probation and probably eventually out of the Academy.

    That was what troubled James about the event. The cadre used it to punish and sometimes to force out the Doolies they didn't approve of. Sometimes it was the slower or less physically fit, but more often it was those who simply didn't fit in. Those who were too openly Christian were very likely to be 'selected' as well as any others who were not agreeable to the 'proper behavior' expected by the cadre. James might not have been so bothered about even that, if it hadn't been for the last little detail. If you did get 'selected' and decided to participate then you also agreed to complete the run with a full pack or automatically be put out of the Academy. It was just as if you had failed the basic run or obstacle course that all Doolies were required to do in order to remain. That was so wrong, because you couldn't even be selected to compete unless you had passed those basic requirements first. You couldn't refuse to compete without being forced onto probation and risking being put out either. It was clearly a last ditch effort to force those deemed unacceptable by the cadre, for whatever reason, out of the Academy. It was totally wrong, but it was allowed by the powers in charge, so it happened.

     James was relieved to see the second week finished. It had been brutal for some of the less physically prepared among the Doolies. More than once James had ended up doing double or even triple reps for another Doolie in his unit. The Doolie he was helping didn't like it most of the time, but they did respect him for the sacrifices he made to help them and others. It also earned him the respect and admiration, if grudging, of the cadre. It did little to help his mood or attitude though. They were supposed to be building up the Doolies and forming unbreakable bonds that would sustain them during even the most difficult of situations during their service time in the Air Force. Instead many of the cadre seemed to be focused on eliminating anyone who didn't meet their accepted criteria. That often meant trying to drive wedges between the Doolies in a unit in order to force out those deemed 'undesirable' by the upperclassmen in charge. That was mostly over now though. The last week would be spent actually doing the required runs and obstacles in the required times. There would still be a lot of other stuff going on, but for the most part it would be games and competitions between the individual units and even the individual Doolies when they weren't in the middle of one of the required physical tests.