Chapter Five - part four

    Lt. General McBride never spoke to Roberts during the walk back. He was still deep in thought when he arrived back at his office. He had to let go of this bone of contention for a while when he got back. There were other things that required his immediate attention, other duties that he had to carry out. It was still there though, in the back of his mind the entire time, a nagging worry about what he had done. Or was it what he hadn't done that was nagging at him? Had he done the right thing? Had he made the best choice, the right choice? He had been told in no uncertain terms to take care of this mess. His superiors and those who believed themselves to be in charge didn't want to hear anymore about this incident. They wanted it killed and buried, buried very deep. They didn't want the stink of it to cause them any further trouble in the future. He could have just removed those two. That would have been the simple way, the easy way, to have dealt with it. Even if they had tried to cause more trouble, it would have been easily contained. Farah would have been more trouble than Cooper. Being female and Muslim to boot would have made people hesitate about forcing her out, but he doubted she would have fought it. She had been afraid, at least until he had pushed her about her faith. Why had he done that?

     There was no need or reason for him to have done that, but he had. He had seen something, maybe heard something that he just had to get straight when she had answered his question. He had planned to use that line of questioning as a springboard to get on top of Cooper's faith. Once there, he had believed he could use Cooper's own faith against him and beat him down with it. Instead that little voice had made him take a different path. He had pushed the wrong one about faith and that push had resulted in a whole different set of problems. He had done something that he rarely did. He had made snap decisions. Oh, he had planned ahead and had an alternate plan ready before he went to see them in case something like this did happen, but he hadn't really expected to need that alternate plan. Now it was the only plan he had left. He was committed. This was the way he was going. The question was would it work? Could he really use them to help him deal with the bigger issue, rather than just bury the smaller flare up they had indirectly caused?

    The remainder of the day was spent dealing with all the details of his job. It was late in the evening before he was finally able to push back from his desk and take a deep breath. Today had been a very long day. A lot of it had been spent making the required changes to implement his alternate plan. He had set things in place beforehand, but today he had to make the calls to put those plans into action. Colonel Roberts had done a lot of that for him, but not all of it. There were certain things, that other than the people directly involved, he alone knew about and those other people only knew their part. He alone knew the entire plan. He wasn't willing to risk revealing that plan to anyone, not even to Colonel Roberts. As he sat there leaned back, relaxing for the first time all day, he thought about her. She had been with him for a long time now. They had started their relationship when she was a young 1st Lieutenant and he was still a Colonel himself. That seemed like a lifetime ago now.  Over the years their paths had crossed several times. He had requested her as his executive officer near the end of his last assignment. He intended to keep her until the end of his career. As he thought about all of that he realized that he owed her more than he had given her. She deserved at least a partial explanation of what had happened today. She had been a good exec, a good officer, and most of all a good friend.  He leaned forward and buzzed her desk. It was time he told her what he could about what he planned to do and why.

     Colonel Roberts came in with a smile on her face and a pad in her hand. She was always ready, always the perfect executive officer. He smiled and motioned for her to close the door and take a seat as he spoke. "I assume, as usual, we are the last ones here?" She smiled as she took her seat and replied. "Yes sir, first to arrive and last to leave. As you live is as you lead, sir." He joined her in a quiet laugh. She had just used some of his words on him. Laughter finished, he spoke to her again. "Very well said Helen, today has been a very long day and a very trying one too. Before we call it a day though I think we need to talk about a few items, this morning to be specific. What did you think of my decision? I know it wasn't what you had expected of me. Now I want to hear your honest opinion and thoughts about it. You aren't my exec right now, you are a trusted friend. Tell a friend what you really think and feel."

    Colonel Roberts was surprised again, that was twice in one day she had been surprised and by the same man too. She had seldom been surprised by any man and almost never by this man. He was a solid, predictable force in her world. It wasn't him wanting to talk to her that had surprised her though. It was the way he was doing it. He had called her Helen and he had called her a friend. She considered him a good friend too and knew that he felt the same about her as well, but they had seldom spoken of it. He had called her by her first name before too. He often did, but never on base. It was only in private situations that they called each other by name and this was still his office, even if they were alone. She leaned back in her chair and frankly studied this man she had thought she knew. Did she actually know him? Or had he fooled her all this time?

    Finally she laughed and shook her head. The slow concern she had seen growing in his eyes was enough. She was convinced that she did know him after all. He was as upset by what had happened today as she was. He was still looking for answers too. She spoke quickly so that her unexpected laughter wouldn't offend him. "Honestly Mike, I don't know what to think. You certainly have been full of surprises today. First, you didn't even come close to doing what I thought you would with either of them. And now you sit me down for a 'friendly chat' in your office? Mike, I don't know what to think or to say. This isn't like you. You always have a clear plan of attack and you use it. You are always ready for the unexpected too and deal with it decisively. You are never thrown off course enough to alter you from your original goal. Today that all seemed to go out the window from the moment you had me close that hospital room door. That was the last time I had any idea of what to expect. Why don't you fix us both a stiff drink and give me a minute to put my thoughts together. Then I’ll tell you what I think." She smiled reassuringly at him as she finished. This was all new ground. She wasn't entirely sure how he was going to react.

   He just chuckled and got up to go fix the drinks. That too was something they had often done after a particularly long or difficult day. Neither of them were big drinkers, but they both appreciated a good brandy after a hard day or a cold beer when relaxing with friends. She watched him as he selected one of his premium bottles of brandy. That selection alone told her that he was indeed deeply troubled. She considered what she would say, what she should say, as he poured their drinks.  He took his time at it, even using a lighter to warm the brandy just a bit once it was in the glasses. When he returned she accepted hers and waited for him to be seated. They raised their glasses in a silent toast before sipping some of the warm brandy inside. It was indeed very good brandy. Only after they had enjoyed a few moments together sipping their drinks did she set hers aside and begin to talk again.

    "Mike, I was stunned by what you did today. I don't just mean by the fact that they are still here, but how you left them here too. It makes no sense at all to me. This is trouble, real trouble, and that boy is going to be a major player in it. He already is. He has no fear and worse no understanding of what it means to serve. I heard what he said to you about that bible of his. Mike, a bible has no place at the Academy. It has no place in the military. He as good as refused an order again when he refused your request." She saw Mike start to object, but she waved him to silence. He had asked for her opinions and thoughts and she would give them to him. "Oh, I know you never ordered him to do it, but Mike... he has already refused the orders of a cadre. I am afraid that what you did today will make him think he can continue to do that. Mike, without order and discipline the military cannot and will not function. That is the glue that holds it all together. At the very least you should have nailed his hide to the wall for what he did out there when he was ordered to proceed by that cadre. There is no doubt that the cadre was wrong, but you know very well that two wrongs don't make a right. That was just the beginning of it though." She stopped and shaking her head stood up and paced across the room and back again before she continued.

    Mike sat watching her as she paced across the floor. She really was upset. He knew she had been troubled, but this was far more than he had expected from her. It was also just the beginning unless he missed his guess. Once back to the chair she remained standing. Looking over at him she tried to smile and failed miserably. "Mike, when I heard that you were putting them both in Mach One... I wanted to come in and see if I had heard you right. Why Mach One?  That is like throwing a lit match in a full tank of jet fuel. Oh I get it that Mach One is the top squadron. The best and most well disciplined. They are total military from top to bottom. Politics and religion have no place there, just as it should be. They are all Air Force and nothing but Air Force. It still makes no sense. Maybe in another one of the more liberal of the squadrons they could have made it work. I mean they might have been able to fit in, but Mach One? You are asking for trouble, maybe more than even you can handle. You wanted my thoughts, well there they are. In my opinion you may just have made the biggest mistake of your career and I have no idea why you did it." When she finished speaking she picked up her glass and downed the remaining brandy. He had asked her. He had asked! Well, she had told him what she thought. She had shared more than she had intended to share, but it was how she felt. Now she would soon see how close a friendship they really had.

    Mike sat there watching her. He had never expected quite such a total and deliberate show. Helen was much like him in many ways. She normally always held back just a bit, never completely committing herself, not unless she was absolutely certain of something. Such a forceful and complete statement from her was perhaps more revealing to him than her words alone had been. He smiled and stood up. Taking her glass he went over and poured them another drink, this time he made it a double. When he came back she had resumed her seat. Helen had also managed to regain much of her normal calm composure. Her face was still a bit flushed, but that was no longer from the force of her feelings. It was now more from her embarrassment at speaking so openly and harshly to her superior officer. She had been talking to him as a friend, but they both knew that he was still her superior; nothing could completely erase that from either of their minds. Ranks and commands were a very real part of what and who they each were.  She took the offered drink from him. He hadn't bothered to warm it this time.  Cold, cold like the situation and their discussion; that was the way he wanted his drink this time. Taking his seat he studied her a moment. She raised her glass in a silent toast. They both took a good swig this time. The time for sipping was past. After their drink he leaned back and swirled his remaining brandy while continuing to study her. Finally he smiled as he began to speak.

    "Helen, I want to thank you for being so open and honest. I wish we could talk like that more often." She smiled and seemed to relax a bit. He did too. Such honest words could ruin a friendship sometimes, but theirs was still safe for the time being at least. Still leaned back in his chair he continued to smile as he spoke to her. "Believe me when I tell you that I have been thinking about everything you said. I fully understand how you feel and why you feel that way, but, with that said, I still can't say that I fully agree with you. As for why I did what I did, well let's just say, that was one of those decisions we sometimes have to make in the moment. This one was very much made in the moment. I had intended to have my piece of their hides this morning, possibly even a couple of heads, but that just wasn't the right choice. Helen, you know me as well as anyone does. You know that I am a warrior at heart. I love a good fight and I fight to win. I have no interest in or concern about prisoners. My goal, the only goal is to win. However winning at all costs isn't an agreeable outcome in all cases. There are in fact times when the only way to really win a war is to lose the battle. I think this may well be one of those times."

    He leaned forward and took another drink. Sitting there holding his almost empty glass, he shook his head. "Helen, I understand that you may not agree with my decision on this. You have every right not to agree with me. But you need to understand that I have made my decision and that I do plan to stand by that decision to the end. That is regardless of what happens as a result of my decision. Normally, I wouldn't be concerned with explaining any of this or with getting you to back me. I would simply expect you to back me regardless of what you thought. I still do expect that, but this time I want and I need more than that from you. I need your complete support. I need you to be as determined to see this succeed as I am. If I don't get that from you, well, then in my opinion this will fail." Now he stood up and began to pace across the room. Shaking his head again he finished his drink before turning to face her.

    "Helen, you are a remarkable officer and a true warrior. You do have one flaw though. You live and will die by the regulations. For you there is only the book. There is only the here and now. You need to change that view of your world. Our world is changing. It is changing more than I like to admit and more than you seem to realize. It is time for you to understand that not all change must be either good or bad. Change is a constant that we must live with, but some things cannot be changed. One of those is the need of man, well mankind really, to see beyond where they are. We all, even you, want something more. You heard me talk of the undeclared war against religion, well that war will exist as long as man exists. The big problem isn't the war itself. It is the severity of that war. Helen, I still remember when it was considered as bad to be against religion as it was to be in favor of it. I have seen that change and that change is bad. We have reached a tipping point in this war. Unless a way can be found to restore some balance and very soon. Someone will tip the scale completely. If that does happen the undeclared war will quickly become an uncontrolled war. At that point nothing anyone can do will stop the destruction that always goes along with a religious war gone out of control."

    He had been pacing all the time he was speaking. Now he stopped and turned to face her directly. "Mach One is the top squadron. They are also the squadron with the least balance. There is almost no acceptance left in that squadron. Yes, I am tossing a lit match into a tank of jet fuel. What I am counting on is that match consuming all the oxygen around it so that there can be no explosion. You have to have three things for a fire to burn. You must have fuel, oxygen, and an ignition source. The fuel is the lack of tolerance in that squadron for anything to do with religion. The ignition source is that boy's faith. The oxygen is the desire of those in that squadron to eliminate all religion from the squadron. I believe that by tossing Cooper into Mach One along with Farah they will create a vacuum.  Fire cannot exist in a true vacuum. If I am wrong and there is enough oxygen left, then things will explode. I am counting on Cooper and his faith to consume the oxygen in a controlled reaction. I am counting on Farah to regulate things that might be generated by her mere presence. Christians and Muslims have been and should be mortal enemies, but those two formed a bond. It is my intention to use that bond to begin changing the future. Maybe Mighty Mach One will find a way to turn on both of them and if so it will destroy all of us. But maybe, just maybe, they will be so confused and divided that with your help we can change the culture of the entire squadron. Change that squadron and we begin to change the entire Academy. Do that and maybe we can begin to change the entire Air Force into what it should be, a defender of all freedoms."

    He walked over and sat down in front of her again. "Helen, I was told to make this go away. That is exactly what I intend to make happen, if that is possible. I have never been a religious man, but I do believe that there is a higher power that is beyond our understanding. I have just seen too much not to know in my heart that is true. I also know that you completely disagree with me about that. One of us is wrong, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that you and I both know that we aren't alone in what we each believe. That is why we have been able to find balance. That is why we were able to find a way to agree to disagree. If we can continue to do that, I think that together, we can restore at least some balance to our world, at least our military world. Helen, I am asking you to agree to disagree with me, but to walk in step with me while I try to get us out of this mess. Nobody can see any doubt or hesitation in either of us. If they do then this is all over. I will crash and burn and so will everyone around me. Can you do this? Can you agree to stand with me while knowing that the world could explode around us at any instant?"

    Helen looked at him sitting there on the edge of his chair waiting for her to answer. She knew that regardless of what her answer was it wouldn't affect her career. It might very well end their friendship though. She leaned back and finished her own drink as she considered all of this. He still hadn't told her what had made him make this decision. He had only told her what the final goal for it all was. He was right about her not agreeing with him. But he had already proven to her more than once that while they might not always agree it was usually wise to go according to his decisions. He had seldom been wrong and as far as she knew he had never made a major mistake in dealing with people. As she considered his words she had to admit that he was right about people in general. Some people had a need to believe there was something more, something beyond just them. Others, like her, didn't and couldn't believe there was more.  The more she thought about that, the more she began to think he might be right about needing to find balance. She had to admit that there was a sort of natural balance to all things in the world. Maybe they did need that for the military to function properly. She didn't like any of this, but regardless of what she liked, she had her duty. Smiling she leaned forward and offered him her hand. As he took it she spoke. "Alright, I can do this. I don't agree with what you are doing and I still don't understand exactly why you think you need to be the one to try and do this. But I will stand with you." As if to emphasize her words she stood up with him while they were still shaking hands. "Mike, I may not always agree with your decisions, but I have always been able to trust you. I am ready to trust you again. You tell me where to go and what to do and I will, no questions asked. Win or lose, I will stand with you, sir." That was the end of their discussion and their day. They were both soon headed for home. Each of them knew this was just starting and each of them knew there was no way to be certain when or how it was going to end.