Chapter One ---- part five

    Andy didn't manage to decide much that night. He finally did get to sleep and he almost overslept the next morning, but he still had no idea of what he needed to do. Monday was a school day and that kept him occupied all day. Even though he was pretty much finished with everything, there was still stuff going on that kept his attention. He normally hung around in town on Monday night after he was done with tutoring until their neighbor got off work at six. She gave him a ride home to save his folks a trip in. Today he had a new use for his free time. He had decided to talk to Pastor David. He could trust him to keep a secret and he knew he wouldn't try to force his own opinions on him either. It was a short walk over to the church office from school and Pastor David lived just down the street if he was already gone home. After tutoring was finished he stopped on his way to church to ask his neighbor to pick him up at the church this time. That would give him almost an hour to talk with Pastor David.

    Pastor David was just about to lock up when Andy arrived. As he walked up to the church office, Andy was almost sorry he had decided to do this, but he had to talk to someone about things. His dad had made it clear that he wasn't going to offer advice unless he was asked to give it. Andy knew he could have asked him, but that wouldn't have felt right. It wouldn't have been fair to his dad or his mom either. This was his decision to make.  Pamela had also made it clear that she had her own decisions to make. Andy couldn't think of anyone else who he respected and trusted enough to talk with about this, except for Pastor David. Right or wrong, this was his last chance to talk to anyone. They had to have his answer before Friday. Anyway, it was too late now. Pastor David was smiling at him as he opened the door wide for Andy to come inside.

    Andy stepped inside with only a nod. Pastor David was still smiling as he stepped over to his desk. His voice was that deep fatherly one Andy knew so well from all of the times they had talked during youth activities at the pastor's home over the years. "Well I was wondering if I would see you today. You looked very troubled when you left church. It wasn't my intention to cause any of you discomfort, but from the looks I saw among the youth I seem to have done just that. Please sit down Andy and tell me what is troubling you. I am sure that together, with the Lord's help, we can find an answer." Andy did sit down, but he wasn't sure how to start this conversation. He sat there in silence, not even able to look at Pastor David. 

    Pastor David waited for a long time before he whistled softly and spoke. "If I didn't know you so well I would be terrified by your silence, Andy. This must be something really big. I was expecting maybe one of the normal issues, which school, what career, or the big one for most young men... the girlfriend you are leaving behind." That actually made Andy smile a bit. If only it was just Pam. Pastor David shook his head as he continued. "Andy, I may be a pastor, but I can't read minds. You will have to say something or I am as lost as you already appear to be."

    That made Andy start to laugh softly. He looked up and smiled as he took a deep breath. Then he did speak. Andy poured it all out in one long stream. "It is all of those things and none of those things. I am lost, totally and completely lost. I don't know where to turn or what to do. I can't talk to anyone, but I have to talk to someone. I have to decide and I have to do it fast. I have tried, but I just don't know. Nothing I do will be right. If I do what I thought I wanted, it will hurt a lot of people. If I don't do it then I..." He paused for just an instant. "Oh, I don't know what it will mean if I don't. How am I supposed to make a decision that will surely change my entire life, if I don't even know what I want from my life? I have already found out things about myself and about my life that I never knew or even thought about. Everything is just a jumble in my head. I thought it would be so easy. If I could do it I would and if not I would just do what everyone expected me to do. Now I can do what I thought I should do, but I don't know if I actually should or not. I have made a mess out of everything and I haven't even made a decision yet. What should I do?"

    Pastor David had leaned back in his chair. The smile had vanished from his face. He looked very serious and deeply troubled. This time Andy didn't look away. He looked directly at his pastor waiting for him to provide an answer, never realizing that Pastor David still had no idea of what the problem was. After a moment Pastor David leaned forward. He spoke very softly, but seriously now. "Andy what is it you have to decide? What has you so upset and so terrified that you think you might make the wrong choice? You have to tell me what is wrong before I can even try to help you. Please trust me. Trust your Lord. Together, I know we can find the right answer, the best answer. Just trust us and tell me what it is that has become such a heavy burden on you."

    Now Andy leaned back and just looked at Pastor David for a long moment. Then he reached inside his book pack and pulled out an envelope. He laid it on the desk and just sat there waiting. Pastor David picked up the envelope and took out the letter. He raised his eyebrows as he read. When he had finished he laid the letter down and looked up at Andy. It was a while before Pastor David spoke. "I must say that I never even considered anything like this. I will confess I was terrified that you were going to show me something much different when you pulled that letter out. I was thinking all sorts of things, but nothing like this." Then he stood up shaking his head and grinning as he walked around his desk. Andy rose to meet him, uncertain of what to expect. Pastor David held out his hand as he spoke. "Congratulations! No matter what you decide, it is a great honor to be accepted at one of the Academies. You should be very proud of that alone; no matter what you decide to do." The hand shake suddenly became a hug. "I am very proud of you Andy. I know your folks must be too." Then he stepped back still holding Andy by the shoulders. "Okay, now maybe we can work this all out. Let's sit down and really talk this thing over. You definitely have a huge decision to make; as it will surely change your life regardless of what you decide to do." Releasing Andy, he pulled a chair around so he could sit right in front of Andy with no desk separating them as he returned the letter to Andy. They both took a seat and Pastor David started the conversation again. "So, first things first, why did you apply to the Academy?"

    Andy leaned back and taking a deep breath spoke for the first time with a strong, solid voice. "I just feel like I need to do something with meaning for my country. You talked about the changes in our lives; well I see changes in the world and especially in my own country that are troubling to me. I want to do something. I want to stop some of the things I see going on. I thought about a lot of possibilities, but honestly I think we are heading towards real trouble and soon. I think we will need leaders who will act according to God's law first and man's law second. I think our military will be at the front of the changes that are coming. There are just too many things that are happening that don't seem right to me. I don't know how to explain it really. I just think I need to go. I think I need to serve." Pastor David had listened closely and nodded several times as Andy spoke. When he was certain Andy had finished he said just one word, "But?"

    Andy took a deep breath and leaned forward before he answered that one word question. "But everyone expects me to become something else. I have never mentioned any of this to anyone. Dad knows, but not because I wanted him to know. They all know I have been accepted at the schools they expected me to attend. They just think I am trying to decide on which career I want. They have no idea that I am considering leaving all of that behind to go where nobody in my family has ever been before. This will be all new and it will be very upsetting to a lot of them. If I do this, I am going to change not only my life, but I am going to be changing the lives of everyone around me. Nothing will ever be the same again for any of us. I just don't know if I have the right to do that. If it was just me, it would be easier to decide, but it's not just me."

    Pastor David chuckled when Andy was finished. Shaking his head he smiled at the look on Andy's face when he had chuckled before he spoke. "I don't think it is funny. I am just amused that you seem to have such a firm handle on both why and why not and yet still have no idea of the answer you should choose. Andy, I always knew you had a good head on your shoulders and a good heart, a big heart. I think there is more to you than even I realized though. You said you felt a need to do something. Can you explain that? What kind of feeling was it? Was it something inside you or was it something from outside? I think that is important. I think before we go any further we need to figure out what that need you feel is and where it is coming from."

    Now Andy leaned back and shook his head. "I don't know exactly. I understand what you are asking me, but I don't know how to answer you. At first it was just a feeling that I should do something. I didn't and still don't know what, just something, something that would make a difference. I thought about a lot of stuff, but I always came back to needing to lead, to be in charge of things. Then one day I was just sitting around with some friends and Tony told us he was going to enlist when he graduated. When we all asked him why, he said to do something that mattered. We all joked about him wanting to be a hero, so he could get the girl or save the world, but what he said made me start thinking. Actually, I guess it was the way he said it. I knew he meant it. He actually wanted to make a difference. I do too. I thought of enlisting, but honestly they have to follow more than lead. You can make a difference even then, but not like a leader could. And before you ask, I considered all the academies, but I wanted the Air Force. The Navy doesn't seem to be in the front, they are involved, but not as directly. Besides I prefer staying in sight of land, if not on it. The Army is right in the front, but they just seem to deal with what has already happened most of the time. To me it seemed like the Air Force is the place that might actually change things. That seemed to be the right choice, so I applied there. I never really thought I would be accepted. Why would they want me? I’m not a star athlete or a leader. I may be a good student, but I’m nothing that special. I guess I just never expected them to accept me, but they have... and now I just don't know what to do."

    Smiling Pastor David nodded his head slowly. "Andy, don't sell your ability or potential short. You have taken all the toughest courses and passed them easily. If anyone looks at your record they will know you can do anything you decide to do mentally. As for being a star athlete, you and I both know you do more than your stats show. You are one of the most talented basketball players I have seen. The reason you weren't the star is because you set up everybody else. You couldn't do that if you weren't both a star and a leader. They had to double cover you, so you were always feeding the open man. I think you are more and know more than you think you do. Andy, you said you felt a need to do something that mattered. To whom does it matter? Does it matter to you or is it more than that. Who will it really matter to the most?"

    Now Andy was quiet. He sat there with a frown on his face thinking. Finally, he began to speak without ever looking up at Pastor David. "It matters to me, but it is more than just that. It matters... well to the world. If I don't do anything then I am as responsible for what changes as if I changed it myself." He looked up and still frowning continued. "Honestly, I guess I think it matters to God too. Pastor David, I want to serve my Lord, but I am no preacher. No offense!" Pastor David laughed out loud and reached over to slap Andy's leg. "None taken young man, though I think you could be a great preacher if you wanted to be." Andy grinned and just shook his head as he turned red.

   Pastor David surprised him by getting up and moving to take his seat behind his desk again. Still smiling he spoke to Andy once again. This time his voice was filled with certainty. "I think you have answered all of my questions. In fact, I believe you have answered your own questions, even if you don't know it yet." He paused for a moment and then leaning forward he spoke very seriously to Andy. "What happens in this world does matter to you. It also matters to God. I see the world changing around us too and frankly I don't like what I see. I fully understand your concern. I do what I can to prevent the changes I see as bad and try to change things that need to be made better too. I do that behind the pulpit every Sunday and as I live every day, but sometimes I don't think even that is enough. This nation needs something to turn things around and it needs it soon or I fear it might be too late. What it needs is God. I think God wants to help us. In fact I know God does help us as much as we will allow. Andy, I can't tell you what you should do. God alone knows that answer and, unfortunately, God usually leaves it to us to make the final decision. I can tell you this though. I don't think you are as alone as you feel. God does want to help us. He wants to help you too. Let's ask Him for that help now."

   Andy nodded and this time it was Pastor David who was surprised. Andy dropped to his knees on the floor. His head bowed low and eyes closed he knelt there waiting for his pastor to begin. Pastor David moved back around the desk and knelt down in front of Andy. He placed his hand on Andy's shoulder and began to pray. "Father, we come to you for answers. We see things at work in our world that we know are not according to your will.  Father, I was there when this young man committed his life unto you. I have watched him grow from that young boy into a fine young man. You have blessed him with a sharp mind, a strong body, and a kind heart. I have seen you fill him with your Holy Spirit and grow his faith far beyond what it was when he committed his life to you. Now Father, I ask you to show him the way that you would have him go. Father, if you have called him to serve, then I ask for you to make it clear to him. Remove his doubts and fears. Fill him with certainty and confidence, so that he may serve you with the strength and power that you alone can provide to him. We come before you in humble devotion. I ask these things of you in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus."

    Andy was silent for a moment and then he began to pray in almost a whisper. "Thank you, Father. I am not worthy of the blessings you have given me. I am weak and afraid, but you give me strength and courage. Father, I have felt lost and alone, but you have shown me I am not alone.  I ask for your forgiveness. I had forgotten that you will never leave me; never forsake me. I am sorry that I have tried to deny your call and that I have tried to refuse your plan for me. Give me strength Father, so that I may do what I now know I must do. Help me to find the way to tell others and to ease the pain I will cause some of them. I trust you Father. I will go. I will serve. Use me however you would, for your glory. In the name of my Lord, Jesus, I pray. Amen."

    There were tears in both men's eyes when they stood up together. Pastor David squeezed Andy's shoulder and softly spoke a final word to him. "Go with God son." Andy gave a single short nod before turning and walking out the door. Pastor David sat down heavily in the chair closest to him. He let out a very long breath and shook his head. He hadn't expected that to happen, nothing like that. He shivered and shook himself to try and remove the chill that was running over his body. He knew that something big had just happened in his office. He knew that something big had just happened in this young man's life. Maybe something big had just happened in this world too.  Pastor David had felt something happening that was bigger than he could explain, but even if he didn't understand exactly what it was he still knew in his heart that something very important had just happened here today. Somehow he knew that today... the future had just changed for more than James Andrew Cooper alone.

Chapter One----part four

   Andy wasn't even sure what was said after that. They had closed in prayer and joined hands to sing a short song together before they were dismissed. Pastor David was standing by the door to shake hands as they all left as usual. Andy didn't even remember if they had done the normal song or call for anyone in need to come to the front of the church. His mind was locked on that message. Those last few verses and that prayer from the Bible were running over and over, again and again, in his mind. If anyone had tried to speak to him while they walked out, Andy hadn't been aware of it. As he came close to the door, and to Pastor David, something did start to register. It was the silence that he heard. Normally the church was filled with chatter and laughter after services were over. Today the church was almost silent. Only a few softly spoken words were exchanged with Pastor David as the members filed out the door.

   He and Pamela were walking together, holding hands as usual, even though he wasn't actually even aware of that. His father, Joshua, was speaking to the pastor when the words that so many had already said finally slammed home to Andy. Joshua had been thanking Pastor David for a fine sermon and commented on the wonderful choices of scripture. The reply from Pastor David was what hit home for Andy and made him really hear what so many had been saying about God's word. Pastor David had laughed and shook his head as he spoke to Joshua. "Don't thank me for the message today. This was the first time I have ever done a sermon that I can honestly say I had no clue as to what I was going to say or do. Thank the Lord. He was the one speaking today. I am certain of it." It had taken a moment for even those few words to work inside and register among all the jumbled thoughts running through Andy's mind as he walked with Pamela. Many people had commented about God's word, but Pastor David had made it clear when he had replied to Joshua that it had indeed been God who was giving him the words to speak, the words that Andy had heard so clearly today.

     As Pam had approached Pastor David she suddenly released Andy's hand and stepped forward to hug Pastor David. Andy couldn't hear what she whispered to Pastor David, but he could easily see the tears in her eyes again as she stepped back. Andy simply offered his hand to Pastor David and looked into his eyes as they shook hands. The pastor returned the look with a solemn nod, but spoke no words either. Then they were walking down the walk outside the church. His parents were waiting at the end of the walkway. Pamela's folks didn't come to church, at least not very often. She had started coming when she and James had started to be interested in each other. She had been a regular for the last three years. His parents often dropped her off on their way home, so she didn't have to ride on the church bus. Andy saw his father watching him more closely than usual. Andy was about to tell his folks he wanted to walk Pam home today when she spoke up herself.

    "Mr. Cooper, would it be alright if Andy and I just walked home together? I need to talk with someone about the message I heard today. It seemed like Pastor David was talking to me. I just need to talk with Andy and sort my thoughts out. I would really appreciate it, if you don't mind." Andy knew he was staring at Pam, but he couldn't help himself. He heard his father's answer, but he wasn't really aware of what his father said until they had started to walk to the car. His father had said, "That would be fine Pamela. I think a lot of people were shaken by the message today. You two do need to talk and sort things out. I think Andy needs to walk, talk, and think too. It is a beautiful day and I think a walk would be a good thing for both of you. Just remember that we are always available if you need to talk with someone." Andy watched his parents walking away and then turned to start walking with Pam down the street towards her home. It was a long walk to her house, but somehow that seemed like a good thing to him today.

   They were well away from the church before Pamela spoke. She had leaned against his shoulder, but she wouldn't look at him as they walked slowly along. "Andy did you think he was talking to you too?" Andy knew she was talking about Pastor David. He couldn't find his voice to answer her, but he did manage to nod and she felt the movement against her hair.  They walked a little further before he did speak. "Pam you wanted to know what was wrong. Well I..." She raised her head as she stopped walking and placed her fingers over his lips. She was looking into his eyes for the first time since church services had started. He just stood there looking at her for a moment. Then he removed her hand from his lips and gently kissed the back of it. She gave him a small smile and then slid an arm around his waist and started to walk once more. After only a few hesitant steps she began to talk to him.

   "Let me talk first Andy. I don't know what is wrong for you, but I know what is wrong for me now. Pastor David helped me understand. I am scared. I have been so excited about graduation and starting college, but I have been terrified too. Andy, I really do care for you..." Her voice trailed off for a moment and then she took a deep breath before she finished. "I just don't know if I love you. I mean, oh I don't know what I mean. I want to be with you, but I know you are going away to college. I am just going over to the local community college, at least to start. I don't even know what I want to do with my life. I never have talked about it with you. I haven't really talked about it all. Pastor David was right today. We do have to make choices soon. Choices that will determine what kind of life we will have. Andy, I don't know what I want. I just know I need to decide and that I... need time." Her voice had trailed off at the end. She didn't look up at him at all. They walked along in each other's arms for a long time before she whispered a plea to him. "Say something Andy, please just say something."

    Andy wasn't sure what he could or should say to her, but he knew he had to say something. There was a bench on the side of the street where people could sit and rest. He guided her over to it and they sat down. Then he took both her hands in his as he took a deep breath before he spoke. "Pam, I don't know what to say or what to think. I am scared too. I have never really even thought about being in love with you, not real love like... well you know." Pam just nodded as she looked into his eyes. He shrugged and looked away, unable to hold her gaze with his own. He tried to find the words he needed to say, but once again he didn't get the chance. She reached up and ran her fingers in his hair as she spoke.

    "It's okay Andy. I do know what you mean. I like you a lot and really enjoy being with you, but I have never thought about loving you either. Your fun and well... you're safe. Other girls tell me about their dates and what they do. I am really not ready for that. That is what I like so much about dating you. It is just fun; with no complications. I have never even thought about any of this before. It was just us, enjoying fun times together, and that was enough." Andy had raised his eyes to look into hers as she spoke. She was smiling and almost seemed to be back to normal. He felt like a weight was gone from his heart too, but there was more he needed to say. Nodding his head in understanding he began.

   "Now that we both have that straight, I need to tell you what has been bothering me." She shook her head and stood up. Holding her hand out to him she spoke again, still smiling. "I don't want to know, at least not now, not today. If you need to talk about it then I will talk with you later, but today I just want us to walk and spend time together as friends... best friends. Please just walk with me and we can talk about anything else or nothing at all. Today isn't the day for sharing problems. Today is a day for sharing friendship and maybe even a little love." She blushed as red as he had ever seen her get as she stood there waiting for him to take her hand. Smiling he took her hand and let her pull him up. Then he pulled her close and kissed her softly. She got even redder as he stepped back, still holding her hand and began to walk with her once more.  They spent the next couple of hours just walking together before they even realized they were getting hungry.

    Once back at her house she changed and then made them some sandwiches. Her folks had left a note for her. They had gone to spend the afternoon with some friends at the river.  After the late lunch Andy had called home to tell his folks he needed a ride today, normally her folks would drive him home after they ate lunch together. Pam seemed much more at ease after they had talked, but they both were still aware of something different between them. Neither of them was certain of what was yet to come, but they were both thinking about things in a new way. Andy still didn't know how he could tell anyone about what was bothering him until he had made his decision. He was confused enough without having everybody he knew sharing their opinions with him. He had to talk to Pam about it, but first he had to decide what he was going to do. Then at least he might know what he needed to say, if not how to say it. Right now the only thing he knew for certain was that he had a decision to make. He was still trying to figure it all out on the ride home with his dad.

Chapter One----part three

   Andy couldn't believe what he was hearing. Pastor David couldn't possibly know about what was going on in James Andrew Cooper's life. Yet, to Andy, it felt like Pastor David was talking directly to him. It was like he was looking right into Andy's eyes when he looked at the youth section. Andy glanced at some of the others in the youth section, Pam in particular. They all seemed to be focused on Pastor David. They all seemed to be sitting there in stunned disbelief. It was only a few seconds before Pastor David began speaking again, but it seemed like it was an eternity to Andy. All sorts of thoughts flashed across his mind. The one thought that kept repeating was a question that he couldn't possibly answer. Was Pastor David preaching a message meant to answer Andy's questions? Was God using this sermon to speak to directly to him?

    Pastor David continued in his normal sermon voice now. "I am talking about change today because I now see that we must learn how to deal with the changes in our lives. We must learn how to face them directly instead of just avoiding or ignoring them. They aren't going away. Change is indeed a part of our daily lives, but unless we learn how to face up to and deal with the changes in our lives they can bury us under a burden we can't possibly carry." He pointed towards the youth section again, but he kept his eyes on the rest of the congregation. "These young people are not the only ones that must face change. Every day something changes for each of us. Most of the time the changes are small and don't really seem to matter that much. They do add up though. Day by day, the changes add up. Each little change adding to the last, and the next, until before we know it, our lives have been totally changed."

    "This nation was founded by people seeking a place to worship the Lord in freedom. The very laws that we live by were crafted by men who knew the importance of that freedom... and that worship." Pastor David pointed to the flag. "Stand with me as I recite the Pledge of Allegiance." Then he turned to face the flag, placing his hand on his heart he began. "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty, and justice for all." When the pledge was finished he stepped back to the pulpit and motioned for everyone to be seated again. He looked out over the crowd for a moment before he spoke again.  "We just said the pledge as it was meant to be recited. They still say the pledge in some public schools today, but it isn't the one we just said. They leave out two words. They leave out 'under God'. That has come to be almost unnoticed by many people, maybe even most people today. It is only a small change, an almost unnoticeable change. Is it important? Does it really matter? After all, we are still pledging allegiance to the same nation, we are still a Republic and indivisible. Nothing has really changed has it?"

   Pastor David paused and looked around at the entire congregation again. He shook his head as he started to speak again. "It is just a small change, a small change that has altered the entire meaning behind that pledge. I hope, I pray, that each of you sitting here today will think about the meaning of that small change. As you think about that one small change maybe you will begin to think about all the other small changes that are going on in your lives every day. Are they actually small changes or are they also altering the very meaning, the true purpose, of your life? I want each of you to think about that small change in the pledge today. We are still one nation, but if we are no longer under God are we still a nation indivisible? Do we have still have liberty? Is there still justice for all?"

   Once more Pastor David paused for a long moment as he opened his Bible. As he was turning the pages of his Bible, Andy glanced over at Pam again. She had lowered her head and closed her eyes, but she was clearly not resting. There were tears on her cheeks and he could see her lips moving ever so slightly. She was clearly praying a silent prayer and was very troubled by something. Lowering his own head and briefly closing his eyes Andy prayed a short silent prayer of his own. "Father, help us to truly understand this message. I know in my heart that you are speaking to me and to others as well. Help us to hear your voice, to understand the meaning of your words. Please grant those who need you so desperately the understanding they must have. In Jesus name I pray." As he opened his eyes and looked up he saw Pastor David raise his head from the Bible.

    Pastor David took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then he began to read from the Bible starting with the chapter and verse. "Jeremiah 7 verses 5-7, If you really change your ways and your actions and deal with each other justly, if you do not oppress the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow and do not shed innocent blood in this place and if you do not follow other gods to your own harm, then I will let you live in this place, in the land I gave your ancestors forever and ever." He turned a few pages in his Bible and began to read once more. "Jeremiah 13 verses 16-17, Give glory to the Lord your God before he brings the darkness, before your feet stumble on the darkening hills. You hope for light, but he will turn it to utter darkness and change it to deep gloom. If you do not listen, I will weep in secret because of your pride; my eyes will weep bitterly, overflowing with tears, because the Lord's flock will be taken captive." Again he paused to turn pages in the Bible before he began to read once more. "James 4 verse 8, Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts you double minded."

    Pastor David closed the Bible and raised his face to look out upon his congregation once more. His voice which had been strong and certain as he was reading from the Bible almost seemed to tremble as he spoke now. "Brothers and sisters, hear my words. We must face the changes in our lives. We must no longer simply accept all of the small changes that seem to happen each day. We must indeed change our ways, but they must be changed in order to honor the Lord our God. If we don't face the changes that are happening and reject those that take us away from our Lord, we will find no light. There will be only darkness and gloom in our lives and in this land. God will weep for us as we also will weep for ourselves. Change can be good. It can be truly wonderful. If we change our ways and purify our hearts, if we truly seek the Lord we will be drawn near to Him. We will be returned to the light. Now don't think that I am just preaching doom and gloom to you."

      He smiled as he looked over at the youth. "I especially want you young people to know the future can be very bright indeed as you go out alone into the world for the first time. The choice is yours. You can go into a world filled with light or you can go into a world filled by darkness. God is the light of the world. If you go with Him, then you will have that light. If you leave him behind... you will begin a journey into the darkness. You are about to face more change than you have ever faced before. Many of you will be leaving the world you know behind to go out into a world filled with the unknown. It is a very exciting time. It can also be a very frightening time." Pastor David actually laughed out loud. Then he walked over and sat down on the steps that lead up to the raised area where the pulpit stood at the front of the church. He was seated directly in front of the youth section now.

   It seemed that he was no longer even aware of the rest of the church. All of his attention was focused on that group of youth seated directly in front of him. They were just as focused on him too. Smiling, he spoke again. Now his voice had that soft, soothing, fatherly tone he often used when talking with the smaller children. "I know this will be hard for you to believe, but once I was young like you." The youth all grinned and chuckled at that. "I was pastor here before many of you were born and probably have been for as long as most of you can remember. To you I have always been an old man." This time he laughed with the youth. It seemed like he was no longer preaching a sermon, it was more like he was talking to his family. He pointed his finger at them as he continued.

    "I really was your age and I can still remember it, like it was yesterday. There will be days in your lives that you will never forget and many of them will be happening soon." He stopped for just a moment and then continued. His voice was more serious, but still soft and soothing.  "I remember leaving home to start college. I was young and sure of myself, but I was scared to death too. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life yet. I figured I still had plenty of time to decide that. I was a pretty fair basketball player and I had a full ride athletic scholarship to a decent college. It wasn't a big college, but it was a nice size and well known in several nearby states. I still remember the first big pep rally they had for us. I was feeling pretty good about myself. I had won a starting guard spot as a freshman on the team. That was a big deal to me. I was scared and kind of lonely though. I had moved several hundred miles from home and couldn't afford to go home at all."

    Smiling he shook his head. "I was standing up there in front of hundreds of strangers when I saw this girl watching me. She was like a dream. One of those girls all of us guys imagine meeting. Tall, beautiful, with a figure to turn heads and she was looking right at me. Then she actually smiled back at me." The youth were all smiling now. "Well I was pretty full of myself, so I went over when the rally was done and introduced myself. We talked and the next day we went out on our first date. I was in love." With that last comment he had acted like he was swooning as he said the words. Even the rest of the congregation, who were watching and listening intently, laughed out loud at him now.

   Pastor David just smiled and continued on with his story. "We became a real item on campus. If you saw one of us you would usually see the other. We didn't have classes together, but if we weren't in class or I wasn't at practice or an away game, we were together. Then one day, a couple of months later, I had a professor cancel a class. I was free until ball practice that evening. We had just finished testing so things were slow. I had plenty of time and I knew my girl was free for the morning too. I headed over to spend the rest of the morning with her. As I got closer to her dorm I suddenly saw her. She was sitting in another guys lap and they were definitely involved. I just stood there in shock for a moment. I knew that guy. He was from a rich family and that was his hot sports car parked in front of her dorm. Finally, I just turned around and walked away. I was crushed. I had been thinking we were it. She was everything I had dreamed of and she just hung all over me when we were together. How could she be doing that with him? I walked across campus to a secluded area between the campus and a small lake at the edge of the campus. When I was sure I was alone, I started to talk to myself. I started to yell and curse at her and him. Then I started to curse God for letting me make such a fool of myself." He paused for a moment looking down with a frown on his face. He was clearly disturbed by this memory of his actions.

    Andy couldn't believe what he had just heard. The idea of Pastor David doing anything foolish or wrong was shocking enough. To hear him admit to cursing at God was almost unbelievable. It was clear to see that he wasn't alone in his reaction to Pastor David's story. Glancing around Andy saw others with clear looks of stunned disbelief. Even on the faces of some of the oldest members among the congregation it could be seen. Pastor David had always been one of the most devoted and humble men Andy had known. He seldom raised his voice and Andy wasn't sure he had ever seen him angry. He had seen Pastor David upset, but he had seemed more hurt and disappointed than angry at those few times. Usually it was due to the behavior of others in the community, often members in the church, that he became upset with. Even then, it took a great deal to disturb him enough for it to be seen. Pastor David continued after his brief pause.

   "I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard a voice ask me to not curse God. I whirled around and looked all over for the source of that voice. It took me a second look to see her sitting against a large oak tree. She had her arms crossed and was looking at me like she was ready to fight. I started to stammer around and try to apologize, but she just shook her head at me. She stood up and walked over to where I was standing. When she stopped she was looking right at me and was close enough to slap me. I thought she was going to slap me. Instead she just started talking to me. I will never, ever, forget what she said. She said, 'You don't need to apologize to me. You need to apologize to God first. Then you should apologize to the two you were actually cursing.' He shook his head and laughed. "I think I must have looked like my jaw was going to fall off. She started to laugh and told me to shut my mouth before I swallowed a tree."

    Pastor David laughed again before he continued. "When I could talk again, I asked her how she could expect me to apologize to them. She shook her head and sighed at me. Then she told me that she didn't expect it, but God did. Then she started to walk off. I just stood there and stared at her for a minute before I ran to catch her. When I got to her I started walking beside her and asked her how she could say those things to me. She gave me the strangest look and then just kept walking. Finally, she started to talk after I just kept walking with her, asking for an answer. She told me that she was sorry about what had happened to me. She told me that a lot of people had been laughing at me, but not everyone. She looked at me and smiled before she told me she could ask me to forgive them because she knew that was what God would want and that I knew that too. Those words made me stop dead in my tracks. I watched her walk the rest of the way across campus."

    Pastor David looked over at his wife and smiled. "That was the first time I ever really saw my wife. The next time I had the class that professor had canceled I walked into the room and saw her sitting just a few chairs down from where I sat every day. I had never even noticed her before. By the end of the week I was trying to get enough courage to ask her out. I finally did manage to ask her out, but she told me no. Then she told me she would go to breakfast with me Sunday morning before church... if I would go to church with her." He laughed and shook his head. "Now I know you are wondering why I am telling you about meeting my wife. I am telling you because you need to understand that everything that changes in your life is for a purpose. I believe that with all my heart. I have absolutely no doubt that the Lord used every single event up to that very moment to get me where He needed me to be. God can and will use the events in your life to take you where you need to be. The thing each of you must remember is that once you reach that place, the choice of what you will do is still yours alone to make."

    Andy suddenly knew that this message was for him. The Lord had brought him to this place. All of the little things had been leading up to this one big thing. Now he was standing at a crossroads in his life. He had a decision to make, a decision that would indeed change the rest of his life. The only unanswered question Andy still had left was how he could possibly know what the right decision was. He looked directly at Pastor David to see if he was going to tell him how to know. Instead Pastor David got up and slowly walked back over to the pulpit. He stood behind the pulpit silently looking out over the congregation. Finally, he turned to look at the youth one more time. He smiled at them and then looked down at his Bible once more. He began to turn the pages. After a moment he began to read scriptures. He never raised his head or eyes from the Bible as he read.

 Pastor David was reading from Psalms. "Psalms 3 verse 4, I call out to the Lord, and he answers me from his holy mountain." A few pages turned and Pastor David seemed to mark a place before turning more pages. "Psalms 120 verse 1, I call on the Lord in my distress, and he answers me." Now far more pages were turned. Once more he read from the Bible. "The Lord Jesus said in Luke 11 verses 9 and 10, so I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you: seek and you will find: knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." Pastor David looked up at the people for the first time since starting to read these last passages from his Bible. His spoke without a hint of emotion in his voice.

    "Brothers and sisters, the world is changing rapidly. We will all face many doors in our lives. Some will be open, waiting for us to step inside. Others will be closed. How are we to know if we should take the open door or try to open the closed door?" Without ever looking down he quoted one of those scriptures again. "I call on the Lord in my distress, and he answers me." Looking back to the youth he asked another question. "How are you to open doors that seem closed to you?" Once again he quoted scripture without looking down. So I say to you: ask and it will be given to you: seek and you will find: knock and the door will be opened to you."

    Then he lowered his head. "I now ask you to listen to my prayer for all of you, taken directly from the Bible. Psalms 20, May the Lord answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May he send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion. May he remember all your sacrifices and accept your burnt offers. May he give you the desire of your heart and make all of your plans succeed. May we shout for joy over your victory and lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the Lord grant all your requests. Now this I know: The Lord gives victory to his anointed. He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary with the victorious power of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm. Lord, give victory to the king. Answer us when we call. In the name of the Lord I pray."

    Now Pastor David raised his head as many in the crowd gave a soft 'Amen' to his prayer. Looking once more at them all he spoke again. "The Lord will open those doors for you, but have you opened the door to him?  Once more Pastor David quoted scripture. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. The Lord will knock at the door to your heart. He will call out to you. Only you can open that door though. Open that door and invite him inside. Then you will have the answers to all of your questions. Then you will have victory and peace in your heart. Of all the decisions we must make. Of all the changes that may happen in our lives. This one change is, the only choice, the only change in us that will matter for all of eternity."

   Pastor David turned to look at the youth section one last time. "I know in my heart that many of you are facing major decisions in the coming weeks. The future is both exciting and frightening. I will hope and pray that each of you have opened the door and invited the Lord to come in. But if you have not yet opened that door, if you haven't made that change in your life, then I beg you to go find a quiet place to be alone. Be still and know that He is God. Open that door. There is no other decision that will change your life the way that one will. Before you go out into the world to face all of the changes ahead of you... face this one if you have not already. The Lord has the answers you need. Ask and you will receive. Go somewhere today and listen for His voice. Then you will have the answers you seek."

Chapter One---- part two

   

 Andy did a lot of praying as he struggled to sleep that night. When they arrived for church the next morning Pamela was waiting for him near the door. They had been dating for three years now. He had told her he needed to work on the farm yesterday and had avoided her calls last night. He knew she was upset the minute he saw her. She wasted no time getting him away from everyone. Walking arm in arm with him towards the classroom for the high school kids she asked the question he had known she would ask. "You look like you were up all night. I’ve never seen you come to church looking like this. Something is wrong. I’ve seen it for days, but today it’s worse. Will you tell me what is wrong? Is it something I’ve done?"

   He quickly took her by the arm and guided her towards a spot away from any people or doors. Once there he spoke in a near whisper to her. "Pam, I am sorry, but this isn't the time or place for us to talk. I promise I will talk with you after church. You haven't done anything. This is all me. I’ll walk you home after church. Since we didn't go out last night, nobody will think twice about it. We can talk without anyone else to hear. Please, just wait until then. No more questions. I am sorry, but I need you to wait at least that long." Pamela clearly wasn't happy and she was about to protest again. Andy reached up to place his hand on her cheek as he asked her to wait once more. "Please just wait until we can be alone. I promise this is nothing you have done. I will explain after church... I promise."

    Pamela frowned for a moment and then nodded her head in agreement. She clearly wasn't happy and she was still very concerned, but at least she wasn't demanding answers immediately. Andy moved to start them walking on to their classroom before she could change her mind. Once the class began, things seemed to be better. There were ten other young people in the class. They were all soon involved in the day's lessons and the discussions were lively. Andy took part too, laughing and sharing in the class discussions, even though his mind really wasn't on the lesson at all. He was still trying to figure out what he could and should tell Pam about all of this. If he told her the real issue in his life, would she keep his secret? It seemed like things were getting more complicated with each passing day. This was his decision to make and yet every day more people became involved. He was still trying to sort it all out as class ended and they walked into the sanctuary for services. Pamela had seemed ready to say something more to him as they walked down the hallway together, but had just shook her head instead. He was relieved that she hadn't pressed it further. He could feel the tension radiating from both of them, but so far it didn't seem anybody else was aware of it. Just one more hour and then he would have to do something, even if he had no more idea of what that was to be, than he did of what his final decision would be. This was one time when he was ready to pray for the pastor to run long with the sermon. He needed all the time he could get. As they began the song service, he did pray for help finding the right words to say to Pam.

    When the pastor took his place behind the pulpit Andy was still trying to sort out his thoughts. Pastor David was an older pastor, but he was very involved with the youth in the church. His own kids were all grown and married. He seldom saw them or their children, except on holidays. He considered the members of his church, and the community as a whole, to be his family now. Today his soft deep voice, which often made Andy drowsy, caused a totally different response. It wasn't just the tone of his voice that seemed different. It was the words he spoke. Pastor David always had a point by point sermon that was clear and usually very direct. He always spoke directly from the Bible, but he made his sermons fit the current events and issues in the world. There were times when his words stirred up a lot of debate within his congregation. However, it was seldom that the debates became heated enough to require Pastor David to step in. The few times he had stepped in to separate the sides everyone knew they had made a mistake. "Debate is good for the spirit, but when debate becomes hate, it kills the spirit." That was a phrase everybody had heard Pastor David use to correct his flock when the debates became too heated. He actually used the term 'his children' more than his flock when he was talking about the church members.

   Normally Pastor David would start his sermons with a warm greeting to everyone. Today he seemed almost reserved as he welcomed everyone. When that was done, he turned to glance at the screen behind him where the topic of his sermon for the day was displayed. Each of the key points would be put up below that topic along with the Bible verses he was using.  As he turned back to face the congregation, he spoke to his wife who handled the screen for him. "Please take that down dear. I won't be using that sermon today." Pastor David had everyone's attention now. After a moment of just looking out across the congregation, he began to speak once more. "I can see that you are all wondering what has brought on this sudden change. You all know that I am not a man given to sudden changes."

     He smiled as he spoke those last words and people began to relax, just a bit. Taking a deep breath he began to talk and explain why he had changed his mind so suddenly. "Today, I got up and came in to preach my sermon with the same conviction and excitement that I have every Sunday. I was certain it was a good sermon and that there was nothing in it to cause even a slight dispute." That brought grins and even a few soft laughs from the people. "Then when I got to church and went into my office for my morning quiet time, everything changed. I knelt and prayed, just like I do each day. I prayed my normal sort of prayer and then just knelt there alone, in the silence, listening, as I do each day. That was when something changed." He stopped talking for a moment and it was easy to see from the expression on his face that he was deeply troubled. When he looked back up everyone was almost holding their breath, waiting to hear what had changed.

    "Brothers and sisters, I have felt something all week long, but nothing I could see or explain. It was just a burden that seemed to be resting on me. It wasn't a major thing, just a little buzz in the back of my mind. Something was just not right. I didn't let that trouble me too deeply. I knew that in His time the Lord would reveal whatever it was to me. It couldn't be anything too major or I would have known what it was. Then today as I sat there in silence, that burden suddenly became very heavy. I can't really explain it. I just knew I needed to do something. I felt a need to stand up and go do something. I just had no idea what that something was. I prayed again and asked the Lord to show me what it was that I needed to do, but nothing changed. I still felt that tremendous burden upon me, but had no idea of what it was." Then he looked down and smiled before raising his face to them again.

    "I did get something though as I knelt there. I felt a peace come into me. I still didn't know what was wrong or what the Lord wanted from me, but I knew that was alright. I stood up and went about my normal Sunday morning routine after that. The burden hadn't been lifted from me, but it was no longer bearing me down. I was still troubled, but I knew I just needed to keep doing my work for the Lord. Then I came into the sanctuary just before classes let out. As I was standing in here greeting folks I saw our youth start streaming in for church. Then I knew the answer. I understood what was wrong and I knew what I needed to do." Smiling he looked directly at the youth section in the congregation. Andy felt like Pastor David was looking directly at him alone.

   Looking back out over the rest of the congregation Pastor Davis grinned before he continued. "I don't want all of you older folks getting too relaxed thinking I am going to be preaching a sermon for just the youth. You all know I have some of those I use from time to time, but not today. You older folks can just forget any idea of taking your normal Sunday morning naps today, because you need to hear this too." That brought laughter to many of the congregation. "Today, I am preaching a message that will have a very personal meaning for each and every one of you. The youth walking in may have been what opened my eyes, but each of us must face the topic of my sermon almost daily too." Pastor David smiled once more and shook his head before continuing.

    "Normally I spend a week, sometimes two, working on my sermon before it is ready. I have rarely done one in just a day or two. Usually that was when I saw a need to address something immediately. I almost never say anything publicly or even privately without giving it some careful consideration first. I know that my words matter. They matter to me. They matter to you. They matter to the Lord." He drew a long breath before he continued, while still moving his gaze across the entire congregation as he spoke. "Today you will hear me speaking from the heart. I have no script. I have done no preparation. I should be terrified of what I might say wrong, but I am not. I am at peace. Even though I don't know exactly what I will say today, I know it will be right. I can't explain in words why or how I know. I just know."

    Now he once more directed his eyes at the youth section. He gave them a loving smile as he spoke. "Today you walked into the Lord's house and delivered a message to me. A message I wasn't expecting. You never even knew you were bringing me the message, but you still delivered it, at the perfect moment, in the perfect way. I want to start by thanking you for being faithful each Sunday about coming to worship our Lord. I fear too many of the young people today don't understand how important that is to them and their future life." Looking back at the rest of the congregation, Pastor David smiled. "I fear that the adults of the world today are also lacking in understanding of the importance of worship in their lives. Now don't start thinking this is going to be a sermon on the need to be more faithful and worship daily rather than just on Sunday morning. That is a good sermon and one that I should preach more often, but it is not my message today."

   "Today, as these young people were walking in, I suddenly thought about how much their lives are about to change. I saw them laughing and talking as if everything was just as it always has been." He stopped and shook his head. Then he looked at the youth section again as he raised his voice just a bit. "I suddenly understood that my burden was the burden of change. I saw it clearly. I had felt it, but hadn't understood how heavy that burden could be until I saw the seniors who will be graduating in a few short weeks time. They were smiling and laughing, but was their laughter genuine? They are facing some of the biggest changes they will ever face. Most of them are facing the biggest change they have faced in life so far. They are not alone though." As he looked across the rest of the congregation, he spoke just a bit louder still. "Change is with each of us. Every day our world and indeed our very lives are changing." He lowered his voice back to normal now. "Some of those changes are good. Some are not. Some we have control over and some we have no control of. Some we can see coming and some just seem to happen. Change is a part of life. So why am I talking about it today?" He stopped to give a questioning look to the entire congregation.

Chapter One----part one

    This is part one of the first chapter of my book. I will post a short section each day, some days will be longer than other days because I will try to stop at changes in the story. This is a long one, about ten pages.
                                                            

                        Chapter One

             Questions and Answers

     Andy was working alone, repairing fences and water gates, after heavier than normal spring rains had washed some out. He had received a letter in the mail a few days ago that might well change his future. He had already received several other letters of acceptance from top colleges he had applied to, but that last letter had been the one he was waiting for. Now he was deeply troubled about which letter of acceptance he would actually choose. He had to make his decision soon and it was a major choice about his future life.

    Everyone expected him to attend a top college and get a degree in law or perhaps medicine. Law or medicine was what three of his seven sisters had gotten their degrees in. Jackie was now a lawyer in Washington, D.C. and Jodie was completing her residency to become a doctor. Maggie had become a registered nurse who worked in various hospitals in the region and lived in Richmond. All of the girls had gone to college for some type of degree. Only four hadn't returned home yet, the lawyer, the doctor, and the nurse being three of the four. Sally had married while in college and relocated where her husband was an assistant football coach for a small school in North Carolina, where she now taught 2nd grade. Mary was a personnel manager at a nearby factory. Susan worked in the local government as a department manager. They both had business degrees. His youngest sister, Sandy, wanted to become a CPA and was currently going to the local college while living at home. Except for the four oldest girls they all lived fairly close to home. Those three younger girls still helped run the produce farm with their mother when not working at their jobs.

    Other people thought he should get a degree in agri-business and return home to take over the family farm eventually. His father was almost retirement age and would be soon after Andy finished college, so that was a reasonable idea. Andy had considered each of those options; but if he decided to accept the offer in that last letter none of those were likely to happen. He had told no one that he might even be considering a totally different future. Now, he had to quickly make the decision about that future. Andy was uncertain of which choice would be the right one.  His mind was filled with thoughts of those choices as he was trying to get the heavy steel cable stretched back across the creek. He had set new posts in place to hold it securely for the water gates to hang from. His father drove up in the truck as he was working. Andy didn't even notice that until his father spoke to him. The sound of his father's voice asking a question, "How is it going, son?" startled Andy from his thoughts and his work.

    In fact, Andy was so startled by that voice from behind him that he jumped and dropped the cable into the creek. Turning around, Andy grinned at his father who was now laughing at him. Shaking his head Andy started back into the creek to get the cable once more as he spoke. "Thanks Dad, I needed another dip in the creek to cool off."  Joshua, his father, said nothing in reply. Instead he pulled on his gloves and moved to the edge of the bank where he waited for his son to hand him the end of the cable. He continued to chuckle as he watched his wet and embarrassed son retrieve the cable. Once they both had the cable in hand the two of them worked in silence to get it attached to the stretcher and pulled tight across the creek. Only after the cable was being secured in place did either of them speak again.  Joshua continued to tighten the cable clamps as Andy unhooked the stretchers. Joshua's back was to his son as he began to speak. "You want to tell me what is wrong yet? I have never been able to drive up on you like that before and you have never been so jumpy either. Son, I have been watching you for the last few weeks. I thought it was just graduation jitters, but this week something has really changed. If you want to talk about it, this would be a good place to do it without anybody else around."

    Andy stopped what he was doing for a moment to stare at his father's back. After a brief instant he resumed his work and put the stretchers back in the fencing box. When he turned around he sat down on the edge of the tractor bucket and waited for his father to finish up. When he had finished securing the cable his father walked over to join him. He sat down beside Andy after putting the tools in the fencing box that sat in the tractor bucket. He said nothing. Andy shook his head as he let out a long breath before speaking. "I never could hide anything from you could I, Dad?" Joshua just chuckled as he shook his head and replied. "Son, I reckon you could, if you wanted to, but as far as I know you have never had a reason for wanting to hide much of anything from anyone before." Andy just smiled and nodded his head in agreement. Then he began to talk.

    "Dad, I don't know what I should do. You know I have been accepted at Johns Hopkins and Harvard, as well as the University of Virginia. I also applied at M.I.T. for electrical engineering and they accepted me too." Joshua waited in silence as if he knew his son wasn't finished. After a long pause Andy spoke again in a very soft slow voice. "Dad, I asked our senator for a letter of nomination to the Air Force Academy too. He gave it to me and I have been accepted. I have to make a decision by the end of next week if I want to go."

     Joshua smiled and nodded his head without looking at his son. Then he spoke just as softly. "I knew that you had applied son. I sort of figured that might be the problem." Andy sat there in stunned silence, looking at his dad. His dad didn't look at him at all. Joshua just shrugged his shoulders and grinned as he spoke again, still looking out across the creek. "You know that Bill and I were friends for years, good friends, long before he decided to run for office. When you asked him for that letter and asked him not to tell me, it nearly killed him, but he didn't tell me. His secretary saw the notice that you had been approved. She called to congratulate your mom, but I answered the call.  She had no idea that we didn't know you had even applied. Bill called me later to apologize and explain why he hadn't told me."

    James just laughed and shook his head as he spoke. "I never thought about them sending a notice to his office. I guess I should have thought about that and about Martha. Martha and Mom are closer than sisters. There was no way Martha could have kept this secret from Mom." Joshua laughed as he agreed. "Yes, you should have remembered that. Now both our tails are going to be in a sling when Mom does find out."  Andy looked at his dad for a long moment, in shock once again, before he spoke. "You mean Mom doesn't know? How did you manage to keep her from finding out? I mean there is no way Martha wouldn't have called back again, if Mom didn't call her back to talk about it." Joshua nodded but he was no longer grinning when he answered those questions. "When I explained that you hadn't told us anything about it Martha was about to bust. Then I asked her not to say anything to your Mom. I told her that I figured you would tell us when you were ready and news like this should come from you, not from the rumor mill. That shook her enough to keep her quiet, but you owe her an apology once this is settled."

    Andy let out another long breath and nodded as he looked at the ground. It was a few minutes before he was able to speak again. When he did speak he still couldn't look at his dad. "I am sorry that I didn't tell you guys, but I wanted to make this decision on my own. I didn't think I wanted to have you guys telling me what you thought about it. I thought I could just wait and make a quick decision after I found out if they would even take me." Joshua just nodded and waited for his son to continue. Andy hesitated for only a moment before he did go on. "Now I have no idea what I should do. Everybody expects me to go to college and become a doctor or a lawyer.  A few think I should just take over the farm someday.  Maybe I should, but I just don't know. Dad, I love this farm. I love working with the animals and working the land. I would rather be doing that than most anything else, but..."

    Andy's voice had started out quick and urgent, but had slowed and faded away as he was talking. A long moment of silence filled the air until he could continue. He spoke slowly and more hesitantly now. "Dad, things are changing. I’m not sure I can stay home to work the farm like you and Mom did. I know how hard it has been for you guys to just keep the bills paid lately. I know that you both worry how you will be able to survive if either of you have a serious health problem. I don't think I really want to be a lawyer or even a doctor. I have listened to everybody talking and things just don't feel right to me anymore. I asked Jackie about becoming a lawyer and she told me I wouldn't like it. She says the laws aren't really very fair sometimes. She advised me to consider medicine where I could always help people, but I don't think that would be much different now. I’ve heard Mom on the phone telling Jodie to just hang in there and do what she has to do until she finishes the internship. I know that Jodie isn't allowed to help some people and is forced to help others that she doesn't think should get help, all because of the new rules and regulations on healthcare."

    "I have seen lots of the people I know go off to college and now they are working at a burger joint or just living back at home with their parents, because they can't find work that has anything to do with what they went to college to learn.  It seems like there are fewer jobs every year and it’s getting harder for young people to find work. I just don't know what I should do. Even with all of my academic scholarships I would still have to work a part time job year round to pay for college or take out loans. I just don't know what I should do. I thought I could decide for myself, but nothing seems to make sense anymore. It all looks like a wasted effort in the end. I wonder sometimes if I should even go to any college. I could just stay and work on the farm. Maybe I could even get a part time job somewhere close by at night."

    Andy threw his hands up as he shook his head and looked off across the farm. He was clearly very upset and very disturbed about what he should do. Joshua looked over at his son for a long moment and then looking away he began to speak. "Son, I hear lots of excuses for not doing things, but I haven't heard many reasons for doing something. You gave me a reason why you would want to stay on the farm, but you have given me no reason for why you want something else. Tell me one thing. Why did you even apply to the Academy? You have never done anything without a reason before. Why did you apply?" Joshua chuckled before adding his next comment. "They weren't always good reasons you had, but you did always have a reason for everything you have done." They were grinning at each other now. The grin faded from Joshua's face as he asked his son that last question again. "Son, can you tell me why you applied to the Academy? I think that answer might help you find some of the other answers."

   Andy was silent for a long time before he spoke. When he did speak his voice was stronger than it had been. "Dad, I have been watching what is going on. Europe is a mess. The Middle East seems ready to explode. America seems to be losing respect and influence everywhere. I have heard you and the other men talking at church too. Sometimes I wonder if we are heading towards Armageddon and wonder why I even worry about this stuff." Andy paused for a long moment and then continued. "Then I start thinking about why things are the way they are. Dad, I just know I need to be doing something. I don't know what or why, but I know I must do something. A lot of my friends are looking at the military as a chance to have a secure future, but a lot of them can't even get that anymore. I considered enlisting, but I decided not to just enlist. I considered trying to get into West Point, but I just don't like where our troops are going or what they are being asked to do. That is why I decided on the Air Force. I want to be able to make decisions and have responsibility, not just do whatever I am ordered to do. I know I will still have to follow orders, but as an officer I’ll be responsible for others and maybe I can do something, even if I don't know what that will be. If I actually become a pilot I should have at least some control over what I do. Does that make any sense?"

   Joshua smiled and put his hand on his son's shoulder. Then he spoke to him in a firm confident voice. "Yes, that makes a lot of sense. The problem is you still don't seem to know how you can make a difference. You know why you want to make a difference, but not how to do it. Knowing what you want to do is good, but knowing what you need to do is more important. Nobody can do a good job if they don't know what the job is first. You need to know what to do before you can go out and do it." Andy nodded as he replied. "But how can I know what I need to do? I don't even know what I want to do for certain? Dad, the world is heading for real trouble, but what can I do to change that? I am just one guy. Can anything I decide to do really make a difference? One man alone can't change the whole world."

    Joshua laughed out loud. Smiling after he had finished laughing, he spoke once more while looking right into his son's eyes. "What makes you think I have any of those answers? I am just one man too. I do the best I can. I do what I see that needs to be done. That isn't always what I wanted to do, but that is all I know how to do and there are lots of times when I don't think that is enough." Then Joshua stood up and looked all around. Taking a deep breath he seemed to relax before he spoke again. "Son, I don't have the answers you seem to need. I do know who does though. Have you talked with Him about this? Have you asked God what you should do?" Andy looked down and shook his head. Joshua smiled as he spoke again. "Then why don't we both ask Him right now?"

    Joshua watched Andy nod his head as he slowly dropped from his seat on the tractor bucket, to his knees on the ground. Joshua knelt down by his son and waited with his head bowed for his son to begin. Andy let out a long slow breath and then began to pray. "Father in heaven, I need answers. I don't even know the questions I should be asking though. I thought I was ready. I thought I could make my own choices and start my own life. Now I... I don't know." Andy was silent for a long moment before he continued. "Father, I don't even know what I should be asking, but I know that you know. Help me decide. Show me where I need to go and what I need to do with my life. I am just one man and I don't see how I can do something that will truly matter, that will truly change the world I live in for the better. I pray in the name of Jesus that you will help me see the right choice for me. I pray that you will show me what I need to do to make a real difference in this world."

    Joshua had listened to his son's prayer. He had to hide a smile as he heard the uncertainty and perhaps even a hint of fear in his son's voice. He wasn't smiling because of that doubt and fear. He was smiling because God had just given him an answer for his son. Taking a deep breath Joshua prepared to finish this prayer. Joshua spoke in a soft, quiet voice instead of his normal strong, firm voice that he used when he prayed at church. "Father, I know you have heard my son's prayer. I know you already have the answers, even if he doesn't know what to ask yet. Lord, I heard you begin to answer my son's questions. We both know he is just one man, but you know that one man can make a difference. One man can indeed change the world. Lord, you proved that when you came to walk among us as a man. You changed the world. You made a difference. Thank you for giving us one answer to one question today. I pray that you will help us to hear the rest of the answers you have for the questions my son has in his heart and mind. I pray in the name of Jesus that we will remember to look to you for all the answers we need in our lives. I pray that we will always remember the 'one man' who saved us all. Amen."

   They both stood up now that the prayer was finished. Andy looked at his father but said nothing. He turned and walked back to get on the tractor seat. Only then did he speak. Joshua had walked back towards his truck which was parked behind the tractor. He stopped and listened as his son spoke. "Jesus may have been one man, but he was no ordinary man Dad. He was the son of God."  Joshua nodded and spoke as he climbed into the cab of his truck. "That is true. Jesus was the son of God, but he was still a man, a man just like you or me." He started the truck and prepared to pull out and then he spoke again. "You are right though, Jesus was no ordinary man... but who says a man has to be ordinary when he has God to help him?" Joshua drove away, leaving Andy to consider things alone; alone with the Lord.

    Andy watched his father drive away. After a minute he started the tractor and moved it over to where he had left the panels that would hang down from the cable to make the water gate. Once he had them chained onto the bucket, he used the tractor and lift to take them back down into the creek. Once he had them in place, he shut the tractor off and went to work hanging the panels back in place. It took a good while to get all three of the panels hung in place and fastened together, but once it was done the water gate was ready to hold the cattle securely again. His mind had only been half on his work. He was thinking about what his dad had said to him. He was thinking about what he wanted to do with his life and what he needed to do with it. As he had been working he knew that his dad was right. Nobody had told him he had to be ordinary. Nobody said he had to do what everyone expected him to do. The problem was that he still didn't know what he needed to do. He knew what was expected of him, but was that what he needed to do? Was it even what he wanted to do?

    Andy spent the rest of the day working on the fences that needed repairing and thinking about what he should do. He did manage to make one decision about his future. He was going to do more praying about it and less thinking about it. He had one more week to decide. The Academy had to have an answer by next Friday. That wasn't very long, but somehow he knew it would be long enough. Just praying with his dad had helped to ease his mind. Now he just had to wait for the answer to his prayer. Andy was relieved when the subject of the Academy didn't come up that evening at dinner. The look his dad gave him after saying grace at the table had assured him that it would remain their secret. Andy didn't like hiding things from his mom, but he didn't want to involve her in this either. It was something he knew in his heart that he had to do on his own

  

 This is the title page and the introduction of the new book I have been working on. I am hoping that you will enjoy reading some of it as I post a little more of the book from time to time. I am trying to see if it is good enough to be published. Please let me know if you like it or not.

   One Man...

                                                          Written by

            Randy Birrer

    

                                 

                                                                          Introduction

    This is the story of one man's faith in God and the power that faith in God gives him to change his destiny. 'One Man...' is the first book in a series that follows the life of one man as he follows the Lord. It is based on a possible future for the United States, possibly the most powerful nation to ever have existed on the earth. It tells the story of what happens when one man decides he must stand up for his faith in God and his nation no matter what the cost might be to himself or his family. It is the story of James Andrew Cooper and his struggle to stand firm in his faith in God while making a real difference in not only his future, but eventually the future of his nation.

    James has watched the nation he loves slowly evolving into a nation he can no longer believe in. James has seen the changes that are taking place in his nation and the world. Major changes have occurred within the people and government of his great nation and indeed all over the world. Those changes have been shaking the very foundations of freedom that his nation was built upon. Those changes are slowly taking those precious freedoms from the people of his nation. As a young Christian man, with a strong faith in God, James makes the decision that he must do something to try and change the course of his nation before it is too late. His ultimate decision to stand up for his belief in God and what he believes his nation was meant to be might indeed change the course of his nation. That in turn may change the future of the world itself.

   James Andrew Cooper was born in the rural countryside of Virginia. He grew up as the only son in a large family with seven older sisters. James, fondly known as Andy to those he grew up with, had been taught to fear God and obey His commandments from birth. He had spent the first eighteen years of his life growing up and working on the family farm. They had primarily raised cattle, although his mother and the girls had a large produce farm they tended. They sold what they raised at a local stand beside the main road. The women in the family did most of the work raising the produce, but Andy did his share of that work too. He had spent many hours hoeing and gathering vegetables with them. Andy had also been in charge of raising the animals that were sold to the local people for meat. He fattened hogs to butcher. He also raised chickens for both eggs and meat in addition to the steers that were fattened for butchering too. When he wasn't working cattle with his father, or tending to the animals they sold for meat to the local people, Andy could be found helping his mother and sisters in the garden. Andy loved working on the farm and spent more time working on it than he spent playing with friends from school. Upon graduating from public school as the valedictorian of his class, Andy had to make a decision about what to do with the rest of his life. Our story begins with what caused him to make the decision which would indeed change his life forever. It was the first of many decisions that would alter not only his future, but the future of his nation.

    Nobody knows what the future holds for us, nobody except God. These books are about one very possible future for our nation and world. While they are only fictional stories, I hope they will make us stop and think about what our future may look like. And to think if it might indeed be time for each of us to act with faith in God in order to change our own future... and perhaps even the future of our entire nation as well.                   

A long slow climb up the mountain

  It has been a long time since I have made a post. It has been difficult for me to find the desire to even try, much less actually post something. I was struggling with things until the middle of March and then I just gave up for a while. I am just starting to feel like I am ready to begin the struggles to continue forward and it is almost June. I could blame it on a lot of little things or a few big things, but the truth is I alone am to blame. I just wanted to quit. I was tired and beaten down. I saw no reason to continue the struggle. Now I am still tired and I still see little hope of success, but I am ready to face the struggles of life once again.
   I didn't write very much at all in my journal or on this blog during that time. I have managed to do a good bit of writing on my new book though. I am hoping to finish that soon. The work was flowing well and then came to a crashing halt one day when my computer crashed. It took a few weeks to get things back in order. I have begun writing again and a few new doors have been opened to me concerning my writing. As I have continued to climb the mountain that has been placed before me I have gained a new look at life. I still don't know what lies beyond the mountain, but I know that I must go find out. Perhaps it will be still, green, valleys with beautiful streams, but it may be rough, jagged, rocks beneath high cliffs. That makes little difference in the end. The Lord set the mountain before me and the Lord has prepared what lies beyond the mountain too. I trust the Lord... so I climb the mountain. I trust the Lord... so I will accept whatever he has waiting for me beyond the mountain.
   That trust is all I have and that trust is all I need. The Lord will see to everything else if I just hang onto my trust in him. That trust has kept me in place while the Lord restored my strength and my desire to go on. It has been a long slow climb up this mountain, but one I must continue. Because no matter where it may lead me the Lord will already be there waiting for me.