These last few months I haven't been doing enough. I have
been struggling to just get up and start the new day in the mornings. That has
to change if I want to change my life. I need to lose weight and to change my attitude. I know that I can do the diets, I
have done it before and I did feel better. My attitude is a little tougher to deal with. I just let myself become very discouraged
because of other things in my life that I couldn't change or control. I am going
to be praying and working to remind myself that I am not responsible for
anything or anyone beyond my own control. All I can do is live my life the best
way I can and live it to please God. Beyond that I can do little to change the
world around me.
It is very easy to
let the world around you affect the person inside you. That always happens, but
it isn't too bad, if you remember that God is the only one that matters in the
end. If we please God then the world doesn't matter and if we don't please God
the world won't matter in the end. I seem to forget that too often for my own
good. I am still struggling to find the words to pray, but I am trying to make
myself open my heart up and pray from it to the Lord. There are so many things
in the world that bother me and so many things in my own life that trouble me
even more. I don't know where to start or what to say. I feel like I am whining
when I should be doing, but I don't know what or how to do what needs to be
done. I don't even know what to ask for; much less what to do!
I just know that
the Lord is trying to reach me. He has the answers I need even if I don't know
the questions yet. I am trying very hard to listen and truly understand, but
that isn't easy to do when you feel lost and alone. I know I am not alone and
never truly will be, but it sure feels lonely around here sometimes. Prayer is
the first step and the first answer for me. I know that I must pray and from
the heart before I can take another step or find more answers. I just don't
know how to pray for something I don't even understand. I guess that is where I
have to depend on the other answer I have for all of my questions... faith. Faith that God has the answers waiting for me when I am ready to hear them.
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