Chapter Two ---- part five

Once outside and away from everyone Andy became very aware of the change in Pamela. She was suddenly much quieter and more reserved. Once they were driving away Andy spoke. "Let's go get some ice cream and drive out to the lake. We need to talk and I don't want other people around when we do." Pamela just nodded, but said nothing at all. She didn't even get out for her ice cream, although she did make Andy promise to get her a small sundae not the large he always tried to buy her. Back in the truck they drove out to the lake and parked overlooking the water. They both started eating without saying much. Finally it was Pamela who started the conversation they were both dreading. "Before you say anything I want you to listen to me first. I have been thinking a lot and there are some things we need to get straight." She hadn't looked up at him yet. Andy just nodded and said, "Okay".

   It took Pamela a moment to find the words or maybe it was the courage to start again. "Andy, I know we are going to go our separate ways, at least for a while. I think maybe we need to do that. I have been thinking about nothing except you and me since Sunday. Remember what I said about not being sure if I loved you?" She hesitated until Andy nodded his head. "Well I don't think I love you, not like that." Now she rushed to get words out. "I mean I do love you, but not like I would need to love you to get serious... not yet. You really are a great guy and when I see you working in the field without your shirt on, all hot and sweaty, it does..." The look and grin Andy had given her, stopped her in mid sentence and turned her face a brilliant red. She dropped her head and Andy heard her whisper. "Oh my God, did I just say that out loud?"

   Andy had to struggle to keep from laughing, but there was no way he could hide his grin. He knew he was also a bit red in the face too. Leaning way over her he kissed her cheek softly and then sat back in his seat before he spoke. "Trust me if you knew what I think about when I am swimming with you, you would have beaten me to death." Much to his surprise she looked at him and grinned as she spoke in a soft voice. "I think I know exactly what you were thinking, but I am very glad you didn't know that or I am afraid we might have been in real trouble." She laughed at the shocked look on his face. Then she slid across the seat and snuggled against him. Andy didn't know how to react as she kissed him like she had never kissed him before. When she stopped kissing him, she hid her face against his chest for a minute before she said anything at all. When she did, it wasn't what he had expected to hear at all.

    "Andy, I don't love you. I want to, but I just don't. Please try to understand. I want to be with you. Right now, this minute, I just want to stay here forever, but I know we can't. I can't explain how I feel or why I feel the way I do. I just do. Please tell me that you understand. I never want to hurt you, but I am not in love with you." She became silent then. He could feel her breathing. He could almost imagine he felt her heart pounding, but she made no other sound. He thought about what she had said. He hadn't really given any of this much thought. He had only been focused on his decision and how to tell her. He had never considered being in love with her or her with him. He started to smile as it all began to sort itself out in his head. He had been dating Pam for three years and more than once he had thought about doing a lot more with her than just parking like this. The thing was it had been imaginary to him. He had never actually given it serious consideration. Now he knew why.

   Andy reached down and lifted her face up so that he could look into her eyes. He smiled and kissed her very softly and then let her head rest against his chest again before he spoke. "Pam, I think I understand. I think I feel the same way that you feel. I guess I do love you, in a way." She tensed when he said that. He continued without a pause. "Just not in the way I need to love you, not yet. I am not hurt and I hope I don't ever hurt you. You will always be very special to me, but I don't know if I will ever love you the way you need to be loved." Pamela sat up so that she could see him as he spoke. Andy smiled as he brushed her hair with his fingers. "You make me feel things that no other girl ever has, but it still isn't love that I am feeling. I wish we could stay like this forever too, but we can't. That just isn't the way life works."

   Pamela smiled and then leaned forward to kiss him. This time it was a different kind of kiss. More like the ones they had shared many times, but something was still changed about it. She snuggled close to him again. Andy decided this was as good a chance as he would get. "Pam, about my decision, I..." She jerked back and put her hand over his lips as she shook her head. He looked at her, puzzled by what he saw. Pamela began to speak. As she did, she slowly removed her hand from his lips. "Not now Andy. Please not now. I know you don't love me any more than I love you, but we have something special. Somehow I know is about to end. I don't want it to end, not yet, not like this." Then she leaned in and kissed him almost timidly at first, but soon he felt something in her kiss that he hadn't expected, not now.

   He pushed her back gently and to his surprise she was smiling and blushing. She didn't say anything, but her actions were speaking volumes. She slipped her hand inside his shirt and leaned forward once more. After that Andy lost all track of time. They had never been so intimate before this. Oh there had been plenty of heated nights spent in the back row at the drive-in or parked out like this, but they had never gone too far. This time they came very close. Almost too close for comfort as far as he was concerned. Somehow he had ended up stretched across the seat underneath her, though it had started out with her being pinned under him. Now he just laid there and tried to get his breathing and everything else under control. He couldn't help watching her in the moonlight as she put her bra back on and then tried to get her dress on again. He blushed as he remembered taking them off for her. He had never done that before. As her head slipped out the top of her dress she saw him watching and laughed. She didn't even appear to be blushing now.

   Once she had finished dressing she turned her attention to him. Grinning she spoke for the first time since they had managed to stop before it had gone too far to stop. "Now it is my turn to watch you getting dressed." She burst out in laughter when he glanced down and realized he needed to get his own clothes back on. At least he hadn't been completely out of them. That thought slammed home the realization that she had been. Andy was glad the moon wasn't full tonight, although he would have liked to see her like this under a full moon. He got even more embarrassed when that thought popped into his head. Once he had himself more or less dressed he looked over at her and spoke for the first time. "What just happened?"

    Pamela burst out laughing and hugged him. Then she leaned back and trying not to laugh replied. "If you don't know or ever forget what happened, I will be very hurt. But I think you know what happened." Andy was frowning as he spoke while getting red once more. "You know what I mean." Pamela sobered up and leaned back in the seat looking at him. "Yes, I do know. Andy, we may not be in love, but I wanted this." She grinned at him then. "You are so hot and sexy. If you had any idea of what the girls say behind your back you would never stop blushing. Honestly, if they knew what I know now, I don't think you would be safe alone with any of them." She laughed and shoved him lightly. "And don't tell me you haven't wanted this while we were dating." She shivered slightly. "I am just glad I managed not to go this far before tonight. I am afraid it could have gone a lot further than this very quickly."

    She shook her head as she took his hand in hers while looking at him and she spoke very softly. "Andy, this was our private goodbye. I have wanted to do this since before we ever went out. I don't think I could have stopped you if you had tried to do this, but you never pushed things. Tonight I knew it was now or probably never. You will always be very special to me. I wanted you to be the first to go this far with me. I needed to know if you felt anything about me like I did about you." She smiled. "I think we both know how the other feels now." Andy was starting to get his wits back. He understood now what had happened. They had just shared something that could only be shared between friends who were as close as lovers. He slipped his hand over and gave her a gentle squeeze as he kissed her again. He felt her tense up, but he also felt her returning his kiss and his touch. When he leaned back just a little he was the one smiling and she was the one blushing.

    He spoke to her with his hands still pressed firmly against her body. "You have one heck of a way of saying goodbye. It felt more like hello to me, but I do understand. I am glad we have these memories, even if I won't be able to sleep when I start thinking about them." Pamela laughed and shook her head as she moved away from him. There was amusement in her voice as she spoke to him. "You sir, are awful, but I wouldn't change you if I could. I won't mind missing the sleep, but I am going to hate trying not to let it go this far again. Now enough of this before I change my mind. Do you still want to talk to me? After tonight I think it could wait a day or so if you want." Her words were like a bucket of ice water. Andy took a deep breath and shook his head. He knew he had to do this now. Tomorrow he was going to call and accept his appointment to the Academy. She needed to know first.