Chapter Three - part three

   Later in the week James went to see Pastor David at his office. That had turned into a real revelation to James about the true state of the nation, as well as the state of his heart and mind. He had arrived early in the morning, but after he was certain Pastor David was done with his morning quiet time. The door opened to his knock and a huge smile spread quickly across Pastor David's face. "Come in, come in! I was hoping you would find the time to come by and see me! I have been praying for you Andy and..." Pastor David stopped short, shaking his head as he started talking again. "No, no you aren't that young boy now, you're not Andy anymore. You are a man grown with a wife and a child. I have to remember to call you James now. I have been praying for you and Sarah. I will be adding young Joseph Paul to my daily prayer list too. It was so wonderful to see all of you Sunday. Please sit down and make yourself comfortable James." James took a seat and watched as Pastor David took his seat behind his desk. He looked much older to James, but of course he was much older. James smiled as he remembered that this man was well over eighty now. Pastor David returned that smile with a grin and soft chuckle before he spoke.

  "Yes, I have grown quite old since we last talked like this. How many years has that been? I think eight or more, at least that long though. In fact it may have been before you started your journey to the Academy. How long ago that now seems for me, but I think it must feel like yesterday to you. Well, no matter that! What brings you back to see such an old man? Were you troubled by what you saw and heard Sunday or is it something deeper than merely seeing me grown old? I saw many things in your eyes during the service and after it Sunday, but I see something different now. Lay what troubles you down before me and the Lord. I may not have the answers you want or need, but the Lord will." James was smiling by the time Pastor David had finished talking. He was smiling not only because of the words he had just heard, but because of the transformation he had just seen take place. James had just seen the youthful energy and joy flow back into the old man sitting before him. Pastor David suddenly appeared to be much the same man he had been all those years ago when James had first come seeking answers about his future.

   James continued to smile as he spoke. "I admit that I was troubled to see you had grown so old, but I now see that you have grown even wiser as well. And I think perhaps, not quite as old as I had first thought. You certainly seem to know what is on my heart and mind in spite of how long I have been gone. I am troubled by more than just the signs of time passing though. I am troubled by the signs of things changed more than I believed was possible. I had missed many, perhaps most of the changes that have taken place while I was gone from this country. I see that I have returned to a land I no longer know or even understand. I have come seeking answers again, but honestly Pastor David this time I don't even know where to begin. What has happened to my country? What has happened to its people? Everything has changed and not for the better."

   Pastor David actually began to laugh when James was done. James hadn't expected that at all, but that laughter seemed to help calm James. It was certainly better than the sound of crying and that was what James had felt like doing during the last few days. When the laughter stopped Pastor David spoke again. There was still a twinkle in his eyes as he spoke. "I imagine this country must have been a real shock to you when you saw it for what it is rapidly becoming. It has indeed changed far more and far faster than I had dreamed possible when I talked of changes so long ago. I thought that we had more time when I spoke that message about the changes we face each day, at Sunday service so long ago. To me it now sometimes feels like what was spoken of in 2nd Peter, as if a thousand years of change have come in a single day. Still with God while a day can be as a thousand years, a thousand years can be as a day too, so perhaps it isn't yet too late. Perhaps God will give us a thousand more years to change our ways. Perhaps we still have time to find the answers we need before it is too late for us or this nation."

   James nodded and then spoke again. "Yes, but how do we find answers when we don't even know the questions? Pastor David, I can't even find the words to pray about this. I feel so lost and so confused. I don't know where to begin. What can I do? How do I change the things I see that are so clearly wrong; when the world around me has already accepted them and moved on? I thought the rest of the world was a mess, but now...?" James stopped and shook his head. Pastor David leaned back in his seat and smiled again. The he spoke very softly. "I think I can give you the first question and the answer you must have too. I too have struggled with those same questions. I too have felt lost and confused. Why would the Lord, whom I have loved and served for so long, abandon me in my hour of need?" Pastor David leaned forward and still speaking softly continued. "The Lord didn't abandon me James. And He hasn't abandoned you." Then he got up and paced across the room with his hands clasped in front of him almost as if in prayer. Twice he crossed the room like that, slowly shaking his head from side to side. He appeared to almost be searching for something when he suddenly turned and faced James again.

   His voice was no longer soft and soothing as he spoke, it was firm and commanding now. There was a new fire in his eyes too. "James, I tell you the Lord has NOT abandoned us! He has NOT abandoned our nation! He is still there, still waiting, and still ready to act! It is us who have abandoned God! James we must return to him! That is the answer! It is the only answer, the only hope!" He lowered his voice again. "James, I have heard of what you have done. I know that you have risked much with only your faith to sustain you. You have faced many battles, many opponents, and conquered all of those with only faith to support you. That faith has made you strong. You didn't always have the answers when you faced those situations, but you did have faith in the one who does. How do we do what must be done to save our nation? I don't know the answers to that, but I know who does know. My faith in the Lord remains strong, but my fear has grown strong as well. I see that same fear in your eyes too. I tell you now... fear has no place among us, not now, not ever!" His voice was almost a shout as he made that last statement.

   "James, we walk with the Lord. Remember the words of Isaiah from chapter 41.  'Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Behold, all they that were incensed against thee shall be ashamed and confounded: they shall be as nothing, and they that strive with thee shall perish. Thou shalt seek them, and shalt not find them that contend with thee. They that war against thee shall be as nothing, and as a thing of nought. For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.'

   Pastor David stopped and took a deep breath. Then he slowly returned to his seat. Smiling at James he spoke once again in that soft fatherly tone of voice that James remembered so well from his youth. "Fear not my son, for the Lord thy God is with you. You must never forget that James. No matter what happens, no matter how much the world around us changes... God remains! Our God, the one God hasn't ever changed and He never will! Hold on to God James! God holds your right hand, right now! Hold onto your faith! By the grace of God we are saved through our faith in Him. James faith is all we have! Faith is all we need! Faith is the answer that you seek! Faith alone is the answer! I know you have questions and doubts. I have those too. But we must not let our questions and doubts become our fears. 'Fear thou not; for I am with thee'. Hold onto that promise James! The Lord is with us! Put your trust in him and walk with faith in Him, not with fear of the world."

   James nodded slowly, but he was still troubled, but Pastor David seemed to understand. He leaned forward and spoke in a slightly stronger voice. "Don't worry about what to do or what to pray, James! God knows your heart and your mind. He can hear the groaning of your soul. He knows what you need and he will provide it to you when you are ready to use it. He will provide it in His time and in His way. James, I wish I could give you more help than this, but I think you already know that you have all the help you need. You have the promises of God! 'Fear not; I will help thee.' God walks with you and will lift you up if you stumble and fall. Trust in him and you will receive the answers you seek, even when you don't know where to look or what to look for. God will always provide what you need. James, I believe that God has been using you in more powerful ways than you can understand. I don't think he is done yet. In fact I think he may have just begun. He used you to change things at the Academy. He has used you to bring peace to a land that has seldom known peace. He has done all of that and yet the world hasn't even really seen you. Oh I know some have seen you, but only a very select few. Now the Lord has brought you home and shown you a new problem. I think He still has plans to use you. I know that is laying a huge burden on you, but I don't think the Lord will leave you to carry it alone. James when you left this office so long ago to begin this journey... you said a prayer. Do you remember that prayer?"

  In answer to that question, James quietly dropped to his knees, bowed his head, and began to pray. "Thank you, Father. I am not worthy of the blessings you have given me. I am weak and afraid, but you give me courage and strength. Father, I have felt lost and alone, but you have shown me I am not. I ask your forgiveness. I forgot that you will never leave me; never forsake me. I am sorry that I have tried to deny your call and that I have tried to refuse your plan for me. Give me strength Father, so that I may do what I now know I must do. Help me to find the way to tell others and to ease the pain I will cause some of them. I trust you Father. I will go. I will serve. Use me however you would, for your glory. In the name of my Lord, Jesus, I pray. Amen."

   James slowly stood up. Pastor David had echoed his Amen, but had remained seated. Both men had tears in their eyes again. This time Pastor David didn't stand up or even move. He simply spoke, just as he had all those years ago. "Go with God, son." James gave a single short nod before turning and walking out the door just as he had done so long ago. Once the door was closed behind him, James took a deep breath. He still had no answers. He still didn't even know where to begin. But that no longer mattered to him. James had found peace once more. He was still deeply troubled and concerned about his nation, but he was no longer afraid. He had felt the Lord take his fear from him. James still didn't know how all of this would end, but he knew that God did, and that was enough. Smiling he headed back to his family. It was time for them to go back. It was time for James to get back to work. He might not know what God wanted him to do yet, but he knew it wasn't to be done here. Once more God had said 'Go', so James would indeed go!

   Pastor David had listened to James as he had prayed those same words again. He smiled and shook his head. He didn't know why, but he had known that James would remember that prayer, just as he had also remembered it all these years. Once more Pastor David knew in his heart that something important had just happened. He didn't know what, but that didn't matter to him at all. God had once more revealed His mighty hand upon one of His chosen. Pastor David knew that James was a very special young man, but he was still only a man. It was God who was using that special young man to do His work in the world. Pastor David bowed his head and began to pray a prayer of thanks. He had no idea of what God planned to do with the young man who had just left his office, but he knew it would be something great. He couldn't have explained how or why he knew that, but he did know it. That he was even a small part of it was truly a blessing beyond any he deserved. God was good! God was great! And God was in control no matter what any men might believe!